do what you love Page 29 of 61

Life According To Mr.K – Love to Change (4)

Posted on 2013-06-28 at 8:00 am.

“Things do not change; we change” – Henry David Thoreau

How times change! Do you ever find yourself sitting there asking “How did I end up here? When did this become my life? Where have these extra inches around the waist come from? How do you use this thing??”

Yeah, me too! Isn’t it also funny that these slightly depressing realisations are usually then followed by little to no action? Change before you have to!

Why is it we normally have to wait for a traumatic event or even a disaster to happen before we make significant changes? This is certainly true of our history and it is certainly the way society and governments often work. But what if we were proactive and made changes, rather than reactive, and let changes happen to us?

Of course we all get older, our bodies change, as do our plans, priorities and maybe most importantly of all our responsibilities. But does this mean we can’t be the person we want to be? Or live in the kind of world we want to be part of?

I have spent the last two decades cruising around in second gear. Doing just enough. I have found myself at times poles apart from where I dreamt I might once be. I have now been inspired to change. I have been inspired to live the fullest life I can. And I am thrilled to be a part of Do What You Love helping other people to do the same.

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” – Margaret Mead

All I know is that I want to be the best person I can be. I want to be the person my parents raised. I want to be the husband my wife dreamt about and one day hopefully be a father that my children are proud of and inspired by. I want to live the life I used to dream of, and at last I feel like I am on my way. Only I can make it happen, and I have finally realised that.

How about you? Do you tend to complain about things? This week, when you feel like complaining about something, why not try changing something about the way you approach it? You must be the change you wish to see in the world!

Until next time,

Mr K

Thought for the Week (18)

Posted on 2013-06-24 at 8:00 am.

Written by Beth Kempton

For me the message is clear. You don’t have to wait for others to show you the way. Don’t complain about it, do something about it. Have a little courage and the world may seem a little clearer.

You are in charge of your life!

Life According To Mr. K – Love to Change (3)

Posted on 2013-06-21 at 8:00 am.

Written by Beth Kempton

In my last column I talked about the six month sabbatical Beth and I took last year. The change of location brought an obvious change in scenery, environment, food, culture, language, tempo and lifestyle. My physical surroundings had changed massively.

We had traded our considerably large and very comfortable 3 storey house for a postage stamp of a flat, – 12 square metres to be exact. We prepared food on top of the fridge and cooked on a single ring hob. The toilet design had been taken straight from a plane, it was three steps from the kitchen and the dining table was literally a foot from the bed. Compact to say the least (or cosy if you ask Beth).

We had no car, no phone and no TV. I had no idea how significant this was to become. These changes in circumstance prompted us to go out all the time. By going out I don’t mean going to the pub. I mean going outside and exploring. We cycled and walked everywhere. We spent time in coffee shops, by the river, at temples and shrines, in parks and public gardens. Okay and the odd bar!

I was reading, writing and drawing nearly every day. I felt alive. More importantly I felt that I was living every day.

There is no doubting that Kyoto is a magical place. It is so different it would capture anyone’s imagination for a while.

But I truly believe the most significant change for me was not the change in scenery, culture, people, language or food.

The most significant change was a shift to having less, doing less, rushing less. Less stuff, less technology and less noise led to more time, more laughs and certainly more adventures.

Maybe less is more! I never really appreciated this saying before my trip but it certainly do now. When you think about it in this way, it is actually possible to make small changes anytime, even starting right now. Small changes can have big results.

“True life is lived when tiny changes occur” – Leo Tolstoy

I remember sitting on the shinkansen (bullet train) and noticing that every single person was transfixed by their phone or tablet. I guess this is pretty much true of any commute, in nearly every industrialised society. And I used to be part of that. But not this time.

I spent the next couple of hours gazing out of the window, watching mountains and paddy fields pass by. My mind was free to wander aimlessly. I felt so relaxed, enjoying the details in the moment. Maybe if we try to be a little less obsessed with what is ahead, we can let ourselves enjoy the journey, and the view, a little more.

“True change takes place in the imagination” – Thomas Moore

I have made so many big changes recently, from changing career, to learning a brand new skill (Japanese) to getting married and now moving house.

I wonder why, after a decade of inactivity/ doing the same thing, there have suddenly been a flurry of changes? Is it my age? Is it the influence of my wife and the ethos of Do What You Love? Or is it that I changed one thing and that went well, so I had more confidence to change another, and another? Once I opened the floodgates I realised that there wasn’t that much to be fearful of, and a whole lot to be excited about. I suspect it is a combination of all the above.

How about you? What small steps could you take right now, to simplify your life and make changes today that will get you closer to feeling how you want to feel?

Until next time…

Mr K

Thought for the Week (17)

Posted on 2013-06-17 at 8:00 am.

Written by Beth Kempton

After a year of life changing decisions and events this is one of my favourite quotes. You have to imagine it first, then take the steps to make the change.

What would you change if you could? Think big!

So what’s stopping you?

Life According To Mr. K – Love to Change (2)

Posted on 2013-06-14 at 8:00 am.

Written by Beth Kempton

The six months I spent in Japan last year was certainly one of huge change and of even greater self-discovery. It is most probably one of the most important decisions I have ever made and has been truly life changing. But surely we don’t have to disappear half way around the world every time we have an issue to work through.

I think it is important to note that I didn’t arrive in Japan and suddenly find all the answers. Far from it! It was a long and very frustrating process that eventually presented me with the questions I needed to ask myself.

It is easy to say that things have to change, but the big question is ‘How do I go about changing them?’ Herein lies the key.

I had to ask myself, “How do I want to feel in my life? What do I need to do differently to feel that way?”

The changes I sought had to come from within me. In six months’ time I was to return home. I refused to consider returning with no plan for doing things differently, and allowing all my old issues to return. I needed a long term and soul defining change.

I remember sitting on the banks of the Kamogawa (Kamo River) one morning reading a book that a friend had sent me. The book “Eat, Sleep Sit”, the autobiographical story of 30 year old Japanese businessman Kaoru Nonomura, who gave it all up to spend a year at Japan’s strictest and most revered training monastery, Eiheiji.

The book made me ask myself what do we hope to achieve by making such drastic changes. Do we hope that the magnitude of the change will be directly proportional to the effect it will have? Or is it more a case of, “If I am going to do this then I am going to really do this. Sink or swim.”

My conclusion? I’m not actually sure, but what I do know is that taking a big step to arrest the trajectory of my life gave me the time, space and energy to take more control of its direction. Making a big change means you cannot help but notice that things are different. And that can be just the wake up call we need.

I found some parallels with Nonomura’s story and what I was hoping to achieve, but there was one major difference. If I was to succeed I needed to be realistic. I needed to appreciate that some changes may take a while. And I needed a plan. I wasn’t running away, I just needed to catch my breath.

“Just because everything is different doesn’t mean anything has changed”

– Irene Peter

We seem to put a lot of emphasis on changing location to help us make changes. This can help in certain situations, but it is definitely not the only way. In fact to make real soul defining changes we need to build on what we discover whilst away and find a structure that will work for us.

Surely we can find inspiration anywhere and everywhere – we just need to give ourselves the opportunity and more importantly the time to spot it!

If you could escape from your daily life, where would you go and why? Is there any way you can make that happen? It doesn’t have to be this week – it could be in the next year? Or the next five years? I’d like to hear about it.

Until next time…

Places and Spaces – Our Garden

Posted on 2013-06-12 at 1:47 pm.

Written by Beth Kempton

Welcome to ‘Places and Spaces’, our Wednesday column where we share places we go to think, get inspired, or come alive. The environment around us has such a bearing on how we feel, and sometimes a change of scene can make a world of difference to your perspective, thought process, or decisions.

Today I want to share somewhere very special to us both and somewhere I have rediscovered and found a new appreciation for recently. Our garden!

Since beginning my new venture with Do What You Love I have found myself working from home for the majority of the week. Much of that time is spent behind the computer. This is not something I have been used to as in my previous career I spent a lot of time on construction sites. This time outside always – by myself or laughing with my team, along with a big dose of fresh air – helped me put into perspective any problems or issues that I was dealing with at the time.

I had wondered how I would replace this valuable and necessary escape time whilst working at home. The answer presented itself in the form of our garden. It provides great sanctuary away from the computer, whether it is fending off the dreaded bindweed, rustling amongst the ferns and flowers or providing a thirst quenching drink to the plants.

I find it particularly comes alive for me whilst watering it. The sun glistens off the varying shapes of leaves and the colours are enhanced. For a few fleeting moments I forget about everything else other than the garden itself.

The garden provides so many different perspectives with a different treat in store depending where you choose to look.

I love our sunken table – the perfect place for outdoor meetings, dinner and chats, or gatherings of friends. A fair few big decisions have been made in this wooden oasis, usually with a glass of wine in hand.

I certainly never have thought I would enjoy gardening. To care for and nurture the garden provides respite from the world around me. One I would not have discovered without changing other aspects of my life.

Where is your sanctuary? Where do you go to escape from the hustle and bustle?

Change vs transition

Posted on 2013-06-11 at 6:05 pm.

Written by Beth Kempton

Inspired by Jennifer Lee’s latest newsletter, Mr K and I were having a chat today about the difference between ‘change’ and ‘transition’.

As we started packing boxes for our next house move in three weeks’ time, here are some of the things we pondered:

‘Change’ is often an event, whereas ‘transition’ is often the period of time running up to that event as you prepare for it, and following that event as you settle into it.
The word ‘change’ feels huge and in-your-face. ‘Transition’ feels more subtle.
Change seems sudden. Transition seems gradual.
‘Change’ sounds like a destination. ‘Transition’ sounds like a journey.
Change seems practical or physical. Transition is more emotional.
To make a change you usually have to stop doing something, start doing something, or do something differently. And it can be forced upon you. This often takes a sackload of courage. To make a transition perhaps you can be more gentle on yourself, take baby steps, and test the water as you go.

With both change and transition you end up somewhere you weren’t before. And that’s exciting, but can be scary! From the many changes we have gone through over the past few months, we have found that the following really help:

Know what you want to be different after the change. Keep reminding yourself of this when things get tough.
Have a plan for making the change, and handling the emotional transition.
Be aware that these things usually take longer than you expect.
Expect to feel disoriented, a little in limbo, or nervous. Being uncomfortable for a while can lead to great things.
Talk to someone about it. You don’t have to go through it on your own. And if someone is sharing the journey, that is even more fun!
Take a moment to reflect on what has gone past before you leap into the change.
Celebrate your new beginning.

How about you? What do you think is the difference between change and transition? And how have you handled the big changes in your life?

Honeymoon (3): Winetasting in Tuscany… yum!

Posted on 2013-06-10 at 2:00 pm.

Written by Beth Kempton

We couldn’t spend a week in Tuscany without doing a whole lot of wine tasting! The first vineyard we visited was deep in the countryside, and produced not only wine and aged meats, but the most incredible balsamic vinegar – some of it 30 years old!

It was a wonderful experience to hear all about the wines and other products direct from the owner, who used to have a corporate job many years ago and gave it all up to do what he loves! We were fed delicious food matched with each kind of wine we tasted, which helped slow down the onset of drunkenness just a little (good job as it was only 10am…)

Have you ever tried 30-year aged balsamic vinegar on vanilla icecream? Neither had we but it was A-MA-ZING! It was so unexpected – alone on a spoon it just tasted like very good balsamic, but with the icecream it became like something more akin to chocolate sauce. Needless to say we got some shipped back home!

The second vineyard we visited was perched high on a hill overlooking miles of fields, olive groves and poplar trees.

We were fed yet more delicious cheese and cold meats, with fresh bread and a selection of different wines. By the end I had no idea which was which but had a brilliant day.

Last time we went winetasting it was in Napa Valley in California. We joined a tour bus (which is very unlike us) and although it was a lot of fun, we felt a little herded from place to place. This time we were lucky enough to have our own driver and interpreter which made all the difference. We could go at our own pace, soak everything up and linger a while by the open fire when we felt like chatting longer. Ahh that’s what honeymoons are all about…

You can read my other honeymoon posts here: (1) Florence / (2) Castel Monastero / (3) Winetasting in Tuscany / (4) Borgo Santo Pietro / (5) Pasta masterclass / (6) Pisa and home

Thought for the Week (16)

Posted on 2013-06-10 at 8:00 am.

Written by Beth Kempton

I think Wayne Dyer is on to something very important here. Maybe every now and again it would be worth asking someone else what they see? And then try looking at things from a different perspective.

Do you agree?

Life According To Mr K. – Love to Change (1)

Posted on 2013-06-07 at 8:00 am.

Written by Beth Kempton

I appreciate that the majority of you who read this blog are female. I just hope by sharing a few thoughts and experiences with you I can provide a little insight to the male perspective. This may surprise you but we are not always the most vocal or the best at communicating. That hasn’t been our role! But trust me, we certainly have our own personal insecurities and issues. I am sure this is true of the men in your life as well.

Change! This month’s theme is certainly a very fitting topic for me to begin my blog adventure with you. I guess that this blog is a change in itself.

To ‘love to change’ though is certainly a strange concept at the off-set, as most changes are inevitably difficult at first. That said just because it is difficult does not mean that we should not embrace change. We all just need to find the courage to do so.

“Change will never happen when people lack the ability and courage to see themselves for who they are.” – Bryant H. McGill

I have made some huge decisions in the past two years. All of which have dictated big changes in my life. Basically because it needed to change and change it certainly has!

I must stress that there was nothing particularly wrong with my life before. In fact if I’m honest my life has been pretty good. I have great family and friends, I have been lucky in health (touch wood) and six years ago my greatest inspiration walked into my life (my now wife – more on that later in the month). I found myself in a good job with plenty of career opportunities.

My moment of epiphany occurred around two years ago. It was in the winter during an early drive to work through the rain and sleet that I questioned…. What am I doing? Why am I doing this? Where am I going?

Answering these questions had been easy at one time. I was going to work like most people to primarily earn some money. These questions became much more difficult to answer once my girlfriend (now wife) started her company ‘Do What You Love’.

The concept was brilliant and the scope almost limitless. Who wouldn’t want to do what they love? But while I supported her endeavours, the cynical male in me was thinking “But very few people, especially guys with families to feed, are that lucky!”

Throughout the months prior to my a-ha moment I witnessed how many people were actually changing their lives in positive ways directly because of ‘Do What You Love’. I was becoming one big contradiction. I was sat across the table from the person helping so many people change their lives yet I was too stubborn to accept the reality of my own life. I was not doing what I loved, in fact far from it! As the months went by I was even beginning to hate what I did.

“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading” – Lao Tzu

Did I really want another 30 years of feeling like this? No.

So what was I going to do about it?

I could moan about it and do nothing, which at best is a momentary escape or I could put my male cynicism aside and accept that I needed to make changes. Ultimately who else other than me is in charge of my life?

“There are two primary choices in life: To accept conditions as they exist, or accept responsibility for changing them.” – Dennis Waitley

I decided to take a six month sabbatical and go and live in Kyoto, Japan with Beth, both for a change of scene and to find some time to think. A little drastic I admit. The truth is the destination could really have been anywhere. The point was I needed time away from the daily grind to give myself an opportunity to take charge of my life.

“It is never too late to be what you might have been” – Mahatma Gandhi

Later this month I will share what happened to my outlook whilst taking that all important time out. For now I’d like to know what changes do you know deep down you need to make? Or what changes have you made recently – and how are things different now?

And if there are any men in your life in a similar situation to me, try to encourage them to talk about it or at least think about it. Please don’t be surprised if it is a difficult subject for them to talk about. Maybe they just need to take some time for themselves to reassess. Just because we never raise the topic doesn’t mean we aren’t thinking about it.

Until next time…

Mr K