Last summer, Shabnah became a Little Beach Hut of Dreams resident for a day. She had intended to use her time to plan her next big trip abroad, but when she arrived the tranquillity won over, and she ended up planning very little – which turned out to be exactly what she needed! Here’s how Shabnah spent her day by the sea.
“I stumbled upon the The Little Beach Hut of Dreams during a google-search of things to cheer me up. The name was so enticing, the pictures pretty and Beth’s description enough to make me read everything on the website twice. I dismissed applying to be a dreamer-in-residence as it required what felt like the kind of bravery I was no longer familiar with. Also the deadline was a few hours after an interview for a job I didn’t even know if I wanted (hence the google-search distraction).
Still, I’d been preoccupied with the idea of pressing ‘pause’ on life for a while, and the idea of doing it in such soothingly stunning surroundings kept whispering to me. So an hour before the deadline, armed with a strong cup of tea and throbbing post-interview headache I completed the application, cringingly forced myself to record a youtube clip (since deleted), found a picture taken a summer ago on a day when all the stress and wrinkles had fallen out and pressed submit promising myself I wouldn’t think about it anymore.
The excitement I felt when Beth wrote to say I was successful was quickly overshadowed by suspicion and self-doubt: Why me? Would she regret it? I was also terrified – would I be able to deliver what I’d said I would do with the time, or would I ‘waste’ it stressing about the ‘right’ thing to do? All these emotions within the space of a few minutes on a Sunday evening! Despite briefly considering being a wimp and declining her offer because I was scared I’d fail at it, whatever ‘it’ was, I accepted, because obviously that was what I really wanted. And then I allowed myself to get excited.
I had been hoping only for dry weather but was fortunate enough to have unrelenting sunshine. Initially waiting by the wrong beach hut I finally arrived at the right place a little late, flustered and warm from rushing. I’d all but committed the pictures on the website to memory, the hut was even more beautiful in the flesh; perfectly kitted out with incredible attention to detail. By the time I’d said hello, sat down and taken off my coat, several layers of everyday-living-stress had fallen off. If this wasn’t enough kindness to a random stranger, Beth left me with a prettily-wrapped present which I decided to save till I got home; then opened twenty minutes later.
I’d come prepared with a case of books, notebooks, ‘to do’ lists and various other paraphernalia, determined to get the most out of my time here and not let anyone down by wasting it. Sadly this is how I’ve been living my life over the last few years – desperately cramming things in to prove to myself I am capable and moving forwards without stopping to think about what things would actually take me where I might want to go. Even on the walk down I’d mentally ticked off the order in which I would do things – update my to do list, a guided meditation because God knows I need to chill out, a few stretches, plan my upcoming trip overseas, a few creative writing exercises etc. etc. And I was going to list it as I went along so that when I got home and wondered what I’d done with the day I could show myself.
Luckily when I sat down with that uninterrupted view of the sea and the sound of the waves, all that unproductive nervous energy and everything I’d manically planned just evaporated in one big exhale. Instead of stretching I drank in every detail and sat there with a silly smile on my face. I read for a tiny bit, lay down to watch and listen to the waves, felt the sun and did absolutely nothing. For several weeks, maybe months, I’d been trying to get back to ‘being’ instead of ‘doing.’ In trying so desperately to achieve it I’d missed the point completely. There at the beach hut it returned to being the most natural thing in the world. My breathing got slower and slower and when I thought about all the things I ‘had’ to do they seemed very far away and really not that important.
A few people stopped to say hello, admire the hut and express envy. A random guy stopped to take my photo and a lady who had thought about applying herself sat down for a longer chat about work and the importance of making space for our creative sides, whatever form that may take.
For the first time in ages I found time to do a little writing, imposing no expectations on the quality of what I produced. I did read a tiny bit of my guidebook but planned little. The majority of the day was spent doing exactly what I had been craving when I first found out about the beach-hut – pressing pause and just being.
When Beth returned I was feeling pleasantly floaty, but wandering home was almost forcing myself to make that feeling last. Luckily since then I have put a few reminders of the hut around my home. Every time I catch sight of one I am taken to that silence within my previously overactive, second-guessing mind. When I applied I had been feeling lost and struggling with all decisions – I might make the wrong one, so best to make none. Being able to take a deep breath and return to how I felt that day makes it easier to listen to myself and make a decision that feels right in the moment, however small. Thank you Little Beach Hut built for dreaming for letting me clear enough of the chatter from my head for dreaming space.”
Since her residency, Shabnah has travelled to Peru and Ecuador, before spending January in Colombia, which she tells us was 100% unplanned and 100% perfect. 2 months ago Shabnah started the job she wasn’t sure she wanted – and so far so good.
If you could do with a day by the sea, to plan, play or just to be, apply for a residency at the Little Beach Hut of Dreams this summer. It’s amazing what a difference a day for yourself can make.
