CONNECTION + COMMUNICATION Page 8 of 13

Our tiny handmade wedding!

Paul & Beth wedding

I have been wanting to share a peek into our wedding for a while, and ‘Love to create’ month seemed like the perfect time, as it was a tiny handmade wedding. It really was a very special day, which began with a beautiful storybook complete with diamond necklace gift, and ended with rings on our fingers, smiles on our faces and big love in our hearts. I have never had so much fun in one day…

We got engaged in a beautiful secluded Japanese garden in Kyoto on my 35th birthday last May. It was perfect for us. We were at the beginning of a six month sabbatical in Japan’s ancient capital, and felt like a whole new adventure was just beginning.

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Getting some baby practice in

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Totally in love with this little man – my lovely new baby nephew. He is just a week old, and very tiny but just perfect. So lovely to spend some time with family, indulging in the preciousness (and sheer cuteness) of of this new little life. Can’t believe our own baby will be here in just three months!

Baby Zack and auntie Beth

 One happy auntie over here…

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Mr K gets some practice in

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Life According to Mr.K – Love Life (4): On friendship

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If I reflect on my life to date all of my memories of any significance share one common element – others! My life would be empty without my friends and family to share it with.

This Christmas my life is going to change forever. I am going to become a Dad! I found out 4 months ago that Beth was pregnant. If I am honest when I first found out it seemed so surreal that I just could not comprehend what the statement – “I’m pregnant!” – meant.

This was until the 12 week scan. I sat there expecting to be nothing more than a bystander offering support when requested, until the screen came alive. I was transfixed as a little, tiny person appeared. The clarity of the spine, skull and the heart the size of a pea (most probably much smaller) pumping frantically was amazing. It took my breath away.

It was then only a matter of moments until my heart began to melt. I had heard the baby’s heartbeat! It was quick, strong and rhythmic. It was as if a small drum was being beaten from within, communicating with us. I was in awe. I am sure I just have to fall into the long line of other new fathers who have experienced the same thing. The reason for me being was changing with every beat.

Later that evening I remember sitting in my office gazing out of the skylight lost in my thoughts. I was reminiscing about my own childhood. All the good times with my brothers always pour to the forefront. Yes we fought and we screamed to the world we hated each other, but hours later we would be thick as thieves and up to mischief.

All the places we lived and all the adventures we had flooded my mind. The dynamic between the three of us had changed over the years, as it must. Our interests fluctuated from action figures, computer games and bikes to sport and later on girls and alcohol. But brothers we will always remain.

The wry smile that was associated with the mischief was tinged by the realisation that the roles your siblings and more importantly your friends play when you are young is never quite the same as you get older.

When I was growing up my family lived all over the world – from Trinidad & Tobago, Hong Kong and Iraq to the not-quite-so exotic Liverpool, Manchester and Leeds. This culminated in me going to more than 15 different schools. One thing all this moving around did highlight was the importance of friends.

It was never easy at a new school. I remember always being hugely nervous on the first day, hoping my classmates wouldn’t be too unkind. I found the best way was to stay inconspicuous and not try to force friendships. I used to let time work out the details for me, and it always would. Months later the apprehension was forgotten and life was great – trading stickers, playing football in the park or downball in the quad, depending on the country.

“I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?” – Stand by Me

I had grown up loving 80’s films. I remember being taken to the cinema for my 10th birthday to watch The Goonies. Stand By Me still remains one of my favourite films. I guess it is the narrative provided by Richard Dreyfuss that always strikes a chord with me. It revolves around the friendship of four boys and what great adventures you can have just a walk down the railway track away. OK the leeches I could do without, but the bond between friends is one very dear to my heart.

Just like my brothers the roles my friends have played in my life have varied depending upon my age and interests – from trying to catch fish and building rope swings to playing football, getting the round in and talking to girls. Importantly good friends are the ones who challenge your comfort zone more than any others.

They instinctively let you know that life doesn’t always need to be quite as serious as you believe it is when left alone. Successes and failures are put into context. You gain character and a thicker skin by taking jokes aimed at you on the chin. Of course you are always waiting for one of them to slip up so you can give it right back!

I have had the great honour of being a best man and an usher at several friends’ weddings, roles which I was humbled when asked to do. The friends who bestowed this honour upon me have all enriched my life more than I will ever be able to express to them.

I have met so many amazing people through the years. Some I know are friends for life. But sadly the reality is that I will never  see the vast majority of them again, simply because our lives get in the way. I now have to plan months ahead to get a date in the diary, which is in stark contrast to hopping on my bike and knocking on the door. I guess this is one aspect of my life I wish had never changed. (Note to any friends reading this: our door is always open if you want to drop round for tea!)

I am transported to present day sat on our roof terrace this time gazing out to sea. I am contemplating life as a father and the challenges that lie ahead. My support now comes primarily from my wife and the prospect of creating our own family. I know my parents, brothers and friends are on the other end of the phone, Skype or a social media site. And knowing they are there is the main point, just like I am there for them.

I am truly blessed by the friends I have. I have continued to make friends throughout my life and great ones at that. As far as I am concerned I have the best friends anyone could ask for!

What aspects of your childhood do you miss the most? Do they have to be lost forever or can you get any of them back?

Until next time…

Mr K

From DWYL HQ: Growing pains

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This week we turned down two book proposals from two major American publishers. Last week we turned down the offer of a lucrative new e-course partnership. Are we crazy? Maybe. But we don’t think so.

Last year Do What You Love saw explosive growth, which was brilliant, but exhausting. We had offers flying in left, right and centre, and it was hugely tempting to keep expanding, adding more courses all the time and getting involved in all sorts of exciting projects. But right at the start of 2013, when we took stock and looked ahead to what kind of a year we wanted it to be, we decided that this year we would focus on quality not quantity.

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Published in Where Women Create Business! (PLUS book bundle giveaway!)

Where Women Create Business magazine COVER

It is always exciting when a magazine drops through the door and you open it to find an article you wrote – and that was certainly the case when I received my copy of Where Women Create Business. This is the second issue of this fantastic magazine from Jo Packham (published by Stampington), which dives into the business wisdom behind some of the most exciting creative businesses out there, run by female entrepreneurs. If you would like a copy, check out our giveaway below!

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Welcome to the all new Do What You Love website!

Welcome to the all new Do What You Love website! dwylhq1

After many months of brainstorming, note making, pondering, prototyping and tea drinking, we are thrilled to unveil our brand new website, designed to help you choose your path and change the world. We will be with you every step of the way.

Originally this site started as a blog, and then we added pages, and courses, and interviews, and all sorts of other bits and pieces, but the company grew faster than the website and it wasn’t a real reflection of who we are and what we do. Hopefully that is much clearer now with the new site, and you will find it much easier to navigate your way to all sorts of resources, advice and encouragement to help you do what you love for life. Please take a moment to start at the beginning – on the home page here – and see how it works for you.

Check out…

  • Our innovative system to help you find what you need to start doing what you love (answer the question here and follow the links to all sorts of resources and advice)
  • Our brand new newsletter ‘Love Mondays!’ designed to get your week off to a great start, and make every week count (If you aren’t on the list already, get on it via the sign up box at the top of the page)
  • Your invitation to take our flagship course ‘Do What You Love‘ (back by popular demand for the first time in over a year!) – now offered as a unique online experience and life change survival kit! Find out more here

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We have big plans for Do What You Love in 2013, including a brand new members’ area coming soon. We are so grateful to you for being part of this extraordinary journey. Stay tuned for more goodness in the coming weeks and months!

In celebration of the launch of the new site, we are doing a week of giveaways (see below) and sharing a brand new free resource ‘Zen for Ten’  a free 10-step guide to help you take steps along the path to doing what you love. This was written during our six-month sabbatical in Japan. Please share it with anyone you think could benefit from it. Get yours HERE.

We want to inspire a movement of people doing what they love, and are committing to help you and others make the tough decisions and big leaps needed to do that, and then to stay inspired and on top of your game once you have done it. If you know of anyone who is stuck, unfulfilled, bored or feeling that there is more to life than what they are doing right now, please point them towards https://dowhatyouloveforlife.com!

It’s your life. Live it!

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(PS Huge thanks to Jo Klima at The Darling Tree for all her work on our new site!)

GIVEAWAY!

All this week we are giving away cool prizes here on the blog to celebrate the launch of our new site. You can enter as many of the giveaways as you like – just pop back to the blog each day to enter:

Today’s giveaway PRIZE: Win a FREE PLACE on the Do What You Love e-course (starts October) worth GBP £109

TO ENTER: Take a look at the course description here and then pop back and leave a comment below explaining where you are in your journey right now and why the Do What You Love e-course would really benefit you at this point. Please be sure to include your full name and country in your comment. Then share a link to this giveaway on Facebook or Twitter including the words @DoWhatYouLoveXx #dowhatyoulove

DEADLINE: This giveaway will close at 12 noon GMT on Tuesday 13 August 2013. Any comments left after then will not be counted.  **THIS GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO ENTERED. FIND OUT WHO THE WINNERS ARE HERE**

THE SMALL PRINT: There will be one winner who will be chosen from the entries after the deadline, and announced on this blog shortly afterward. The competition is open to anyone over 18 anywhere in the world. There is no cash alternative. Our decision on the winner is final and no correspondence will be entered into. By entering you agree for your email address to be added to our mailing list but you can unsubscribe at any time.

Life According to Mr.K – Love to Discover (2)

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Nihon to Nihongo (On Japan and the Japanese language)

On arriving in Japan our first journey was to travel several hundred miles north from Tokyo on the overnight bus to Yamagata. My first discovery was that I was no longer a crazy student prepared to rough it to save a few quid, and the cheap option of the overnight bus was not proving a good decision! They are not designed for men in their 30s over 6 foot tall.

Yamagata is a prefecture located in the northerly Tōhoku region on Honshu Island. It borders the Miyagi region, which suffered a horrendous ordeal during the 2011 Asian Tsunami.

We arrived around 6am to be met by freezing temperatures and about a foot of snow. Had we packed right? My flip-flops and shorts were not providing much comfort at this point. Luckily we were welcomed in Yamagata by old friends, who quickly made us feel at home.

The reason we had journeyed North to Yamagata was to meet Kyoko and Adachi-san. They had been a couple that Beth had spent a year living with when she worked in Japan. (If she ever decides to write a book it will certainly blow your mind). Life’s accidental twists and turns can be both so brutal and beautiful. They are very close to this day more than 13 years later.

I remember Adachi-san telling me that his favourite part of the day was returning from work, opening a can of lager and watching the football. He was an avid Yamagata Montedio (J2 team) fan. I was discovering that life really wasn’t much different on the other side of the world!

For me, most importantly they were Beth’s friends, great hosts and I could not have asked for a better start to my new adventure. Oh, and they spoke good eigo (English) as well, which helped. Today I am honoured to call them my friends too.

But then things started to get a whole lot trickier when we left the comfort of their home and headed out into the big wide world in Kyoto…

….Arriving in Kyoto

“The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand.” – Frank Herbert

For those of you who have never been to Japan, I cannot recommend a more beautiful or diverse place. It is a wonderful experience. However, it isn’t without its fear factor, mainly the language. I was not expecting the impact being essentially illiterate would have on me.

I am ashamed to say that in the first couple of weeks in Kyoto I wanted to find the quickest exit out (but couldn’t read the signs…) I was completely overwhelmed by road signs, menus, instructions and advice in a language so different to our Roman alphabet that it could be left by an alien race.

I could not believe how dependent I became on Beth. A new start was all well and good but I felt like a child again, unable to fend for myself, and I did not like it. I could not wait for school to begin so I could start to get to grips with the language.

We arrived in Kyoto and settled into our new apartment quickly. It didn’t take long to furnish our 12 square metres. A small rice cooker, two bowls and some chopsticks, done!

I had two weeks to get accustomed to my new surroundings before school was to start. Right then. What was I going to do now I have all this free time? I sat for minutes in front of Google thinking what should I type in and then I suddenly realized that I should get up and go outside! Why did I think I was going to find my answers generated by a search engine? What was I thinking? I don’t even like computers that much.

I soon discovered all the simple pleasures that Kyoto had to offer and there were plenty. Bike riding through the temples (in fact cycling anywhere), exploring weird and wonderful places, exercising by the river, reading, cafes and restaurants, onigiris (rice balls stuffed with things like tuna and wrapped in seaweed), Starbuck’s caramel frappucinos (a new one for me) and most importantly loads of free time!

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.” – Marcel Proust 

One of the beauties of Kyoto was getting under its skin and understanding Japanese life (which can take time).  Kyoto was a maze of streets consisting of houses, restaurants, shops and cafes.

Peeking behind the norens offers a world of discovery as you find small family businesses tucked away in wooden buildings selling everything from calligraphy brushes to kimonos to pots and pans.

 “You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” – Plato

One particular Friday afternoon will always stay in my mind. School had just finished, the heavens had opened and the rain was cascading down the busy rooves. I took off my trainers, placed them in my bag and set off home on my bike, barefoot. Within seconds I was soaked. The ride lasted approximately 20 minutes. I loved every single moment of it.

I felt cool, alive, young and free. At the few places along the route where I had to stop for traffic lights, feeling the warm tarmac under my bare feet was very relaxing and such a unique feeling.

We can’t feel like this all the time but we have to give our lives the opportunity to present such experiences. It was Kyoto in all of her majesty. The rain felt purifying as if it was washing away every care and worry I may have had. I spent the whole journey just laughing out loud all on my own. I felt like a ten year old playing outside. Priceless!

When was the last time you discovered your inner child?

Today just do something just for fun. You might enjoy it, and perhaps find out something new about yourself!

Until next time…

Mr K

Life According To Mr. K – Love to Discover (1)

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Six years ago, without even knowing it, I was completely lost.  My career was going OK, but I had stopped dreaming and I had little to no ambition. I seemed to live only for weekends with the boys and a few holidays dotted throughout the year. Looking back I can see that I had everything the wrong way round.

Then a girl walked into my life and changed everything. Beth was to become my saviour, my purpose and my direction. It sounds dramatic but it is true. She reignited my passion for life. Little did I know it right then, but life was about to get a whole lot more interesting!

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” – Andre Gide

I have written on this blog before about our sabbatical in Japan last year. The decision to go was certainly one, which became the catalyst for huge change and even greater self-discovery.

We primarily found ourselves in Japan because Beth loves the place, the culture, the language and the people. And she is the most important thing in my life so not to share this passion would have been like not acknowledging a part of her.

My initial motivation for going had been to share in this love, to experience all the things she held close to her heart and hopefully, somewhere along the line, pick up a bit of the lingo. I needed to communicate with her friends better than just politely smiling and nodding my head. And to be honest, I couldn’t wait for six months off work.

But in the end it became something much more significant than that. The extended time away from home and work also became an opportunity to ask myself a lot of questions that I had never dared ask before.

I remember sitting on the banks of the Kamogawa River and taking my notebook out of my very masculine bicycle basket. I opened it up and then just sat there, pencil primed for what seemed like an eternity until I started to write. I think the pause was more to do with being flooded with ideas. It took a while to filter through the waterfall of cascading thoughts and focus on the moment. What was on my mind now? This is what I wrote:

Who am I, Where am I

  • 35 years old
  • OK job
  • Great girlfriend (I hadn’t proposed at that point!)
  • Own a bit of property (as well as you can own something with a considerable mortgage attached)
  • A beautiful home
  • Happy? Content?

When I was 12, is this how I imagined it would be at 35?

No, not unless astronauts trained in Kyoto!

I then started to write down as many honest thoughts regarding myself as I could bear to admit:

  •  Years of cruising around in second gear. Always just doing enough (whatever that now meant)
  • Feeding my social laddish side
  • But what about me, what about the boy before the alcohol and girls? What was I doing back then? I remember being interested. I remember asking question after question.
  • Have I changed so much? More importantly do I care?

“Sometimes the best way to figure out who you are is to get to that place where you don’t have to be anything else.” – Unknown

Without doubt I am blessed with great family and friends. But there is more to it than that. I needed to answer the questions…

  • Who am I?
  • Where am I?

These are deceptively simple questions and I was really struggling to answer them.

My thoughts went automatically to sport and more specifically football (soccer), but what about ME? How was I going to make myself feel proud?

I decided to look back to my earlier childhood before sport became all encompassing. This took many chats, coffees, beers, runs, bike rides and lots of listening to music. It is amazing what can provoke memories and what you actually forgot you used to do. Isn’t it strange that to move forwards more often than not you have to look backwards?

 “You will recognize your own path when you come upon it, because you will suddenly have all the energy and imagination you will ever need.”  Jerry Gillies

I decided to start by getting myself really fit and healthy. This was an aspect of my life that has always been a form of salvation for me. But ever since I turned 30 I had been in denial. My body doesn’t respond and recover as fast as it did in my 20s and I soon realized I needed to sacrifice a little bit more than I used to in this quest. I definitely struggle to enjoy everything around me if I do not feel good in myself. This was actually my first recognition of who I am as an individual. And getting fit again was an important first step on the road to doing what I love.

How about you? Who are you? Where you thought you would be? Have you thought about this lately? It would be great to hear about your journey too.

Until next time…

Mr K

So very happy… (BIG news!)

And just when we thought this year couldn’t get any better…

Baby 12 weeks - scan

… we discover we are having a baby! Life will never be the same and we couldn’t be happier. This feels like the most important adventure of our lives – 17 weeks and counting. It is hard to put into words what it feels like knowing there is a little person growing and developing in there. We love this little baby so much already!

The baby’s due date is December 11, which means it will be a Christmas baby. Our favourite time of year just got even more special…

This is a completely unknown world to us and we know we have so much to learn.

If you have children how did you feel when you found out?  And what is your best advice for nurturing a happy baby? We’d love to know!

Life According To Mr K. – Love to Change (1)

Life According To Mr K. - Love to Change (1) lifeaccordingtomrk

I appreciate that the majority of you who read this blog are female. I just hope by sharing a few thoughts and experiences with you I can provide a little insight to the male perspective. This may surprise you but we are not always the most vocal or the best at communicating. That hasn’t been our role! But trust me, we certainly have our own personal insecurities and  issues. I am sure this is true of the men in your life as well.

Change! This month’s theme is certainly a very fitting topic for me to begin my blog adventure with you. I guess that this blog is a change in itself.

To ‘love to change’ though is certainly a strange concept at the off-set, as most changes are inevitably difficult at first.  That said just because it is difficult does not mean that we should not embrace change. We all just need to find the courage to do so.

 “Change will never happen when people lack the ability and courage to see themselves for who they are.” – Bryant H. McGill

I have made some huge decisions in the past two years. All of which have dictated big changes in my life. Basically because it needed to change and change it certainly has!

I must stress that there was nothing particularly wrong with my life before.  In fact if I’m honest my life has been pretty good. I have great family and friends, I have been lucky in health (touch wood) and six years ago my greatest inspiration walked into my life (my now wife – more on that later in the month). I found myself in a good job with plenty of career opportunities.

My moment of epiphany occurred around two years ago. It was in the winter during an early drive to work through the rain and sleet that I questioned…. What am I doing? Why am I doing this? Where am I going?

Answering these questions had been easy at one time.  I was going to work like most people to primarily earn some money. These questions became much more difficult to answer once my girlfriend (now wife) started her company ‘Do What You Love’.

The concept was brilliant and the scope almost limitless. Who wouldn’t want to do what they love? But while I supported her endeavours, the cynical male in me was thinking “But very few people, especially guys with families to feed, are that lucky!”

Throughout the months prior to my a-ha moment I witnessed how many people were actually changing their lives in positive ways directly because of ‘Do What You Love’. I was becoming one big contradiction. I was sat across the table from the person helping so many people change their lives yet I was too stubborn to accept the reality of my own life. I was not doing what I loved, in fact far from it! As the months went by I was even beginning to hate what I did.

“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading” – Lao Tzu

Did I really want another 30 years of feeling like this? No.

So what was I going to do about it?

I could moan about it and do nothing, which at best is a momentary escape or I could put my male cynicism aside and accept that I needed to make changes. Ultimately who else other than me is in charge of my life?

“There are two primary choices in life: To accept conditions as they exist, or accept responsibility for changing them.” – Dennis Waitley

I decided to take a six month sabbatical and go and live in Kyoto, Japan with Beth, both for a change of scene and to find some time to think. A little drastic I admit.  The truth is the destination could really have been anywhere. The point was I needed time away from the daily grind to give myself an opportunity to take charge of my life.

It is never too late to be what you might have been” – Mahatma Gandhi

Later this month I will share what happened to my outlook whilst taking that all important time out. For now I’d like to know what changes do you know deep down you need to make? Or what changes have you made recently – and how are things different now?

And if there are any men in your life in a similar situation to me, try to encourage them to talk about it or at least think about it. Please don’t be surprised if it is a difficult subject for them to talk about. Maybe they just need to take some time for themselves to reassess. Just because we never raise the topic doesn’t mean we aren’t thinking about it.

Until next time…

Mr K