If I reflect on my life to date all of my memories of any significance share one common element – others! My life would be empty without my friends and family to share it with.
This Christmas my life is going to change forever. I am going to become a Dad! I found out 4 months ago that Beth was pregnant. If I am honest when I first found out it seemed so surreal that I just could not comprehend what the statement – “I’m pregnant!” – meant.
This was until the 12 week scan. I sat there expecting to be nothing more than a bystander offering support when requested, until the screen came alive. I was transfixed as a little, tiny person appeared. The clarity of the spine, skull and the heart the size of a pea (most probably much smaller) pumping frantically was amazing. It took my breath away.
It was then only a matter of moments until my heart began to melt. I had heard the baby’s heartbeat! It was quick, strong and rhythmic. It was as if a small drum was being beaten from within, communicating with us. I was in awe. I am sure I just have to fall into the long line of other new fathers who have experienced the same thing. The reason for me being was changing with every beat.
Later that evening I remember sitting in my office gazing out of the skylight lost in my thoughts. I was reminiscing about my own childhood. All the good times with my brothers always pour to the forefront. Yes we fought and we screamed to the world we hated each other, but hours later we would be thick as thieves and up to mischief.
All the places we lived and all the adventures we had flooded my mind. The dynamic between the three of us had changed over the years, as it must. Our interests fluctuated from action figures, computer games and bikes to sport and later on girls and alcohol. But brothers we will always remain.
The wry smile that was associated with the mischief was tinged by the realisation that the roles your siblings and more importantly your friends play when you are young is never quite the same as you get older.
When I was growing up my family lived all over the world – from Trinidad & Tobago, Hong Kong and Iraq to the not-quite-so exotic Liverpool, Manchester and Leeds. This culminated in me going to more than 15 different schools. One thing all this moving around did highlight was the importance of friends.
It was never easy at a new school. I remember always being hugely nervous on the first day, hoping my classmates wouldn’t be too unkind. I found the best way was to stay inconspicuous and not try to force friendships. I used to let time work out the details for me, and it always would. Months later the apprehension was forgotten and life was great – trading stickers, playing football in the park or downball in the quad, depending on the country.
“I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?” – Stand by Me
I had grown up loving 80’s films. I remember being taken to the cinema for my 10th birthday to watch The Goonies. Stand By Me still remains one of my favourite films. I guess it is the narrative provided by Richard Dreyfuss that always strikes a chord with me. It revolves around the friendship of four boys and what great adventures you can have just a walk down the railway track away. OK the leeches I could do without, but the bond between friends is one very dear to my heart.
Just like my brothers the roles my friends have played in my life have varied depending upon my age and interests – from trying to catch fish and building rope swings to playing football, getting the round in and talking to girls. Importantly good friends are the ones who challenge your comfort zone more than any others.
They instinctively let you know that life doesn’t always need to be quite as serious as you believe it is when left alone. Successes and failures are put into context. You gain character and a thicker skin by taking jokes aimed at you on the chin. Of course you are always waiting for one of them to slip up so you can give it right back!
I have had the great honour of being a best man and an usher at several friends’ weddings, roles which I was humbled when asked to do. The friends who bestowed this honour upon me have all enriched my life more than I will ever be able to express to them.
I have met so many amazing people through the years. Some I know are friends for life. But sadly the reality is that I will never see the vast majority of them again, simply because our lives get in the way. I now have to plan months ahead to get a date in the diary, which is in stark contrast to hopping on my bike and knocking on the door. I guess this is one aspect of my life I wish had never changed. (Note to any friends reading this: our door is always open if you want to drop round for tea!)
I am transported to present day sat on our roof terrace this time gazing out to sea. I am contemplating life as a father and the challenges that lie ahead. My support now comes primarily from my wife and the prospect of creating our own family. I know my parents, brothers and friends are on the other end of the phone, Skype or a social media site. And knowing they are there is the main point, just like I am there for them.
I am truly blessed by the friends I have. I have continued to make friends throughout my life and great ones at that. As far as I am concerned I have the best friends anyone could ask for!
What aspects of your childhood do you miss the most? Do they have to be lost forever or can you get any of them back?
Until next time…
Mr K
