“For many years I lived with a guarded heart. I did not know how to extend love and compassion to myself. In my fortieth year that began changing. As I grew to love all of who I am, life started changing in beautiful and mysterious ways. My heart softened and I began to see through different eyes.”
This is the introduction to the beautifully simple and inspiring little book of wisdom, When I loved myself enough, by Kim McMillen. In it, Kim shares her tips for living in peace and joy and by the end her message is clear: our time on earth is limited, we are never alone, and the key to loving others is to first love ourselves.
It’s great advice, yet many of us don’t know what it means to love ourselves – to really, truly love ourselves. Instead of nurturing ourselves we compare ourselves to others, tell ourselves that we’re not good enough and complain that we don’t look or sound the way we’d like to. Often we don’t believe that we’re actually worth loving. The reality is that we are more than good enough, we’re all perfect in our own unique way and we’re definitely worth loving!
Feeling worthy requires us to see ourselves with fresh eyes of self-awareness. Rather than looking outwards and seeking approval from the rest of the world, we need to spend more time being quiet, looking inwards and listening to the only voice that really matters – our loving, caring, nurturing inner voice.
Why is it so important to love yourself?
Making a commitment to love and accept yourself is the most important decision you’ll make in your life, and the one that will affect every other decision you make. It isn’t selfish, it’s quite the opposite. It’s essential to your own personal growth, to the fulfilment of your dreams and to developing healthy, happy relationships with others. It’s the very first step to living a positive and present life and inspiring everyone around you to do the same.
10 ways to fall in love with yourself today…
1. Begin your day with love. Remind yourself of your worthiness before getting out of bed. Visualise yourself in bright light. Breathe in love and breathe out love. And smile.
2. Celebrate your past: everything that’s happened in the past has made you the person you are today – including any mistakes you’ve made along the way. Accept them, forgive yourself for them, learn from them and move on.
3. Follow your heart: What makes you happy? What inspires you? What are you passionate about? Whatever it is that that makes your soul sing, embrace it! When you do things that make you happy you connect with the real you – your authentic self. What about your work life too? Since your job takes up such a big part of your day, finding or creating work that fulfils you is vitally important for your long term happiness, wellbeing and sense of worth.
4. Be positive and grateful: each day focus on the things you love about yourself and your life. Write them down in a journal or on post-it notes and stick them around the house. Affirmations are a great way to train your mind to be more positive and loving.
5. Focus on the present: often unhappiness comes from regrets about the past or worries about the future, and these are greatly diminished by being mindful and appreciating that every moment is precious and magical. Trust that you are always in the right place at the right time. Discover the power of mindfulness by being still and quiet for a few minutes a day through meditation or yoga.
6. Look to the future: remind yourself regularly that the world is your oyster. You can do anything, go anywhere and be anyone you want to in this life. What do you really want? What’s your dream? Take action today and start creating the life you imagine.
7. Sing your own praises: everything you’ve done in your life so far is an accomplishment. Be proud of yourself and your achievements and all of that self-love is sure to find you.
8. Trust your instincts: Every answer you could ever need comes from within. Look for signs and pay attention to your gut feelings. You’ll hear two inner voices when you need to make a decision. The quiet voice is your higher self; the loud voice is your ego. Always trust the quieter one.
9. Set personal boundaries: while it may feel uncomfortable to think about saying ‘no’ once in a while, it’s important to remember that each time you say ‘yes’ to someone or something else, you say ‘no’ to you and your priorities. Practice saying it often enough and you’ll get to a point where you can say it with a smile on your face and mean it with all your (loving!) heart.
10. Create balance in your world and respect yourself: you’ll feel more lovable when you’re in control of your life: balance work and play, nourish your body with healthy food, exercise, get plenty of sleep, create space to breathe in your home, take care of your finances and treat yourself as kindly, as thoughtfully and as affectionately as you do your good friends.
When you appreciate your talents, beauty, and brilliance and love your imperfectly perfect self, your heart fills with love. And because we are all connected, when you love yourself, you also love everyone around you. Love is our purpose, our true calling. And it starts within each of us.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance” – Oscar Wilde
