How to start living a fear-free life

Today’s post is from our Senior Editor, Rachel Kempton

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” ~ Nelson Mandela

If we could wave a magic wand and remove all your fears – every single one of them – how different would your life be? What would you do?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot since my grandpa got ill. At the ripe old age of 88 he might be frail and suffering with a brain tumour, but as he looks back on his life, he’s as positive as ever about the amazing experiences he’s had and the valuable lessons he’s learnt along the way. He talks with so much passion and pride about his adventures, for example: how he rose through the ranks to become Captain in the army and took big risks for high rewards in business; how he travelled the world and bought a 27ft yacht which he sailed around Holland, and how he taught himself to play the piano and he even wrote a book about his experiences so our family have a record of the life and times enjoyed by his generation. “I’ve had the most wonderful life,” he always says, “I’ve no regrets. None whatsoever.”

Self published: my grandpa’s book. He always says ‘life’s not bad’ – it’s his way of saying ‘life is wonderful’

It must feel amazing to be able to look back at your life and know that you have achieved everything you wanted to. You must feel immense satisfaction and inner peace knowing that regardless of how scared you might have felt, or how worried you were about the impact of your choices, you were brave enough to follow your dreams and live the life you imagined.

As John Lennon puts it: “There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”

Fear can be a good thing – if we choose to see it that way

It doesn’t matter whether you are a first-time parent, an aspiring traveller or a seasoned athlete, every single one of us is afraid of something. Fear is a tricky emotion. It can paralyze you. It can keep you from your dreams. It can keep you small, safe and comfortable. At yet, in just the right doses, it can also be your friend.

Or fears can be our greatest source of power, our biggest motivation and our best teachers. What they need is love. Fear only grows when you let it consume you and that usually happens when we forget how helpful it is trying to be. Ultimately, fear really does want the best for us, no matter how irrational it may seem.

Embrace the four Cs

Clarity: Of course it’s only natural that we want to deny, run from and ignore the things that scare us, but the first step in dealing with fear is to recognize that it is inevitable. Keep a clear and objective mind and it is possible to move through fear and overcome it. Just stay focused on what you want to achieve, and what you’re doing to get there.
Choice: when you choose to make friends with fear you open yourself up to a whole new world of possibility. Think about all the fantastic opportunities that could come your way if you can find the courage to expand your horizons.
Confidence: it may take a huge amount of strength, but when it comes to facing your fears it helps to be in the know. Preparing in advance – whether it be with information, physical training, psychological help and support, or by improving your skills or level of experience – will help you keep your cool and maintain a sense of control when the going gets tough.
Character building: remember that we can only grow if we have the courage to challenge ourselves. When we face our fears we become better versions of ourselves.

As you face your fears and increase your freedom and happiness by allowing your dreams to become a reality, the good life is inevitable. So ask yourself this: what would I do today, if I were brave?