This is a guest post by one of the UK’s leading experts in digital distraction and digital detox and author of The Distraction Trap: How to Focus in a Digital World, Frances Booth. Find out more about Frances here.
One time management technique we don’t use enough is simply saying no. We’re quick to say yes, giving away our time, then we wonder why we have no time left for what we want.
If you find your diary is full, or full of things you don’t want to do, then it’s time to start saying no – nicely.
People ask for our time every single day. And if we give our time away to everyone who asks for it, we end up feeling frazzled, tired and grumpy. Often it doesn’t occur to us that we have the option to simply say no.
It’s much rarer for someone to thank us for our time. But when they do, it reminds us that our time is valuable, and we need to learn to value it too.
Learning when and how to say no is a way of valuing and managing our time.
When we say no to one thing, in effect we’re also saying yes to something else. This might be yes to time to recharge, sleep and renew our energy. It might be yes to some thinking space. It might be yes to more time for ourselves, or yes to time for the people and things that matter to us.
Here are 10 key things to think about for when the answer needs to be no.
1. Something has to give
We can’t say yes to every invitation, request, message, question or demand we get – something has to give. So what should we say no to?
Look at what or who you’re saying yes to at the minute. What or who (including yourself) does that mean you are then you saying no to? Is your diary full of things that fill you with great anticipation? If not, how can you make it so? What do you need to start saying no to? Look at how you spend your time, including time online. Are you happy with what you are saying yes to by how you spend your time?
2. Instant answer
Often we make poor decisions when we’re distracted, overloaded and too busy. Perhaps you recognise them … those things you say yes to, and then instantly regret. What happens next? We try and backtrack, spending far too long undoing the commitment or rescheduling, using up extra time before the event has even happened. Or, the appointment sits in our diary like a black cloud, and we spend time wishing we didn’t have to go.
Next time you feel pressure to give an instant answer, stop. Log out of your email or leave the room. Shut your eyes for five minutes, walk round the block, or sleep on it. Think about whether you really want to say yes. Think about whether you’ve really got the time for it. Pausing before responding uses far less time than it takes to backtrack.
Are you always racing against time? Saying no more could be the solution (Photo: North Charleston)
3. Delayed response
“I’ll check and get back to you” is a great way to buy yourself some thinking time and avoid making an instant commitment you might regret. This gives you time to decide whether to say yes and also to decide when is a good time for you if you are committing to dates. Most people will accept this as an entirely reasonable response. It implies you are checking with your diary or another person. It doesn’t fix you to a timeframe by which you need to reply, and it buys you the thinking time you need.
4. Time out
When you turn off digital distractions such as email, your smartphone and social media, you’re saying no to people being able to contact you as and when they please. Instead, you’re deciding to show up online at a time convenient to you. This is a simple way to say no thanks to unwanted interruptions. Yet we don’t always make the most of our ability to be in control here. In my book, The Distraction Trap: How to Focus in a Digital World, I give advice on how to do this and how to be more productive in a digital world.
5. Would you do it tomorrow?
This is a great test of whether you actually want to say yes or no. Would you do it tomorrow, given the chance? If the answer is yes, then great, say yes. It shows you are enthusiastic about spending your time on this. If the answer is no, beware of saying yes. Just because you put something in your diary for three weeks’ time, it won’t become any more attractive by then.
6. On hold
Sometimes, what we need to say rather than no is not now. If someone approaches you with an idea, venture or suggestion that you are interested in, but you just don’t have the headspace to consider it because it’s a particularly busy time, say so. Be specific. For example: “This is a busy fortnight, please can you contact me again after June 27th”. This means it’s back on their To Do list and you can forget about it. If, instead, you try to tackle it there and then, you risk becoming overloaded, not doing a very good job, or making a bad decision.
7. You don’t need to know what the space is for
If you’re feeling overloaded and overwhelmed, then say no to the next commitment that is asked of you. You don’t need to know what the space you are leaving is for. Maybe you are going to fill the space with what seems like nothing – things like sleeping, stopping or having a rest. But these ‘nothing’ times are vital. They mean we can restore our energy and then enjoy the other things we have put in our diary. Nothing times mean we can rest and think and then be productive and innovative when we turn back to our work. If necessary write ‘nothing’ in your diary to make sure you leave the space.
8. Swerve time-wasters
Have you ever worked with someone who wasted endless amounts of your time even on simple tasks? People like this don’t value your time, or their own. So saying no to working with them at the outset will save you an awful lot of time. How can you spot the signs of this early on and avoid getting pulled in to a project with them?
Classic early signs of a time-waster are arranging an initial call or meeting and then cancelling it at the very last minute. Here, they’ve already wasted your time – you’ve prepared, arranged your diary to fit around the call or meeting, and perhaps even shown up in person. Yet they think nothing of re-arranging. Other early signs are that they say they will send documents by a certain time and then don’t, or that they send long rambling emails. Say no politely to the project, explaining for example, that your work commitments have changed (they have – you have just made yourself some valuable time you can now use!).
9. Always saying yes equals burnout
If you work for yourself – for example, as an entrepreneur or freelancer – there can be a temptation to say yes to every project and client, due to the fear that work will dry up. But never saying no can lead to exhaustion and burnout. It can also mean that while you are busy doing the ‘drudge’ work you never get round to the work that makes your heart sing, the reason you do what you do in the first place. Saying no can be really, really difficult in these situations – particularly if you don’t know yet what will come along instead. So you shouldn’t underestimate the powerful steps you are taking when you do say no. Every now and then, let go of the kind of work you don’t want to be spending your time on by saying no. You leave space then for stepping up, getting, and doing the work that really deserves your time.
10. “I’d love to, but …”
How do you go about saying no politely, protecting your time without offending other people? Here are a few suggestions.
“I simply haven’t got time right now.”
“I simply haven’t got time this week / month” (if you want to consider it next week/month)
“I’ll be back in touch after x, y, or z to sort something out” (for delaying)
“I’d love to but I’ve got other work/family/sporting commitments right now.”
“It’s a no I’m afraid. But thanks for asking me.”
Got a good suggestion? Heard a great no? Leave them in the comments box below…
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