This is a guest post by Homaira Kabir,a positive psychology coach and a cognitive behavioral therapist. Homaira offers online courses and coaching programs that help women develop the self-worth it takes to lead in relationships, at work and in life.
For as long as I could remember, I had a problem with negative feedback. Not only did I constantly seek words of approval, I was equally sensitive to looks and subtle signs, and likely read into them far more than I needed to.
It almost seemed as though negative feedback would open the door to a part of me that I was hiding, perhaps from my own self. I seemed to live in constant fear that were my reality revealed, I would be rejected by others – and perhaps by myself too.
It took many years of searching within to understand my insecurities and to develop the courage to embrace them. When you’ve spent a lifetime distancing yourself from certain aspects of who you are, it can be a lesson in humility to finally accept them as your own.
Homaira Kabir
There are far too many of us caught in the search for approval, sometimes from those whose approval we didn’t receive in our early years, sometimes looking for redemption and appreciation through our partners, and sometimes seeking the approval of society at large. We’ve succumbed to the messages that we’re damaged and broken inside, and we’ll go to any length to deny our faults and weaknesses so that we’re finally worthy of love and acceptance.
But the irony is that when we shut ourselves off from who we truly are inside, we also shut out all that is bright and beautiful within us. We pursue perfection and come up empty even after we attain it, because wholeness and perfection are dialectically opposed. Wholeness is about embracing every part of our being, because that is the first step towards change. It’s about seeking out the darkness we deny so we can use our light to rise above it. And it’s about listening to the fears we succumb to, so we can use our wisdom to work through them and finally let them go.
If you’re tired of always pushing, always evaluating, and always coming up short, then here’s what you can do to begin your journey to wholeness.
This is our final guest post from Claire Le Hur who has just returned from an epic cycling adventure to China with her fiancé Stuart Block. The couple started their adventure in East Africa, where they followed new ‘silk roads’ to chart the journey of key natural resources as part of an exciting new education project. Claire rode a bamboo bike built by an African social enterprise, and Stuart rode a tandem, keeping the back seat free for those they met en route. They have now raised awareness and thousands of pounds for two great educational charities. Find out more about Claire’s big adventure here.
We got back to the UK on a very cold and grey day, and the next day was Brexit and all the ensuing madness: a political revolution in London, or just more of the same on (super) fast-forward? For anyone who hasn’t seen it, you can read Stuart’s blog post from a year ago here. He wrote it as we were leaving London for our adventure and he proved remarkably prescient when he predicted a ‘bloodbath in the corridors of Westmister’.
We were starting to wonder why we had bothered to come back to England, so to take our minds off things we got back on our bikes and made sure we cycled the full 11,000km we were aiming for (we reached 10,000km in Hong Kong.) We did our own version of the ‘London Revolution’, cycling around the M25 (or a few miles outside it!), visiting schools and friends along the way.
Our route took us to several schools in Surrey, Cambridge and London as well as two days at the Telegraph/Wellington Festival of Education at Wellington College. At Wellington we addressed teachers on ‘how to bring an adventure into the classroom’ and students on ‘Overseas Aid; Who Benefits’. We were delighted to have a photo call with renowned philosopher, A. C. Grayling.
As we come to the end of the year, it’s only natural to reflect on what has gone before. Did 2016 turn out how you wanted? Did you get closer to your dreams? As the founder of a company called Do What You Love, I am often asked what is the single most important factor in doing what you love. And you know what? I think it’s commitment. Perhaps not the sexiest answer, but it’s the truth.
But what if I don’t know what I want to commit to? You might ask… I hear you. That’s a tough one, right? Well, actually, early on simply committing to stepping forward in the direction of your dreams, is as important as committing to one specific idea. Because those early steps are where the dreams are shaped.
So if your 2016 was frustrating, or depressing, or simply another year of not very much, seeing your friends have the things you want for yourself, then I invite you to join me in committing to making 2017 different. And here are three simple steps you can take to do that:
This is a guest post by Ben Keene. You can find out more about Ben here.
At the Escape School this is the question we ask more than any other.
Here are a a dozen insights that have helped me over the years stick to work I want to be doing (almost) everyday. Let us know what else guides you.
1. Think in 3 Horizons — but only execute on 1st and 3rd.
Horizon 1: What are you doing now / this week / month to set you on the path you want to go on? Act. Do. Make something happen.
Horizon 2: What’s going to happen between now and the long-term? You don’t know. Things change. A lot. So, don’t waste time planning too much.
Horizon 3: Where do you want to be in 5 years? What values will underpin this lifestyle? Who will you be working with? Always keep this in mind.
2. Write a letter to yourself from the future
It’s 2019. Write a letter to yourself saying what you’ve achieved over the last 5 years and how you’ve done it. This may sound stupid but it’s a great way to visualize where you want to go and what really matters. Exchange letters with a friend or mentor if it seems weird doing it by yourself.
3. Less is More.
Simplify everything. This isn’t just about great UX. It can be about a lot of your life. This year I ‘pruned’ 15% of my life — clothes, kitchen cabinet tins, playlists, books, social network ‘friends’. This stuff works.
4. Master the most important venn diagram in the world
5. Write an Escape List and pin it on your wall (fridge. facebook. bathroom)
Make yourself accountable to a friend to do this.
6. Don’t let being comfortable kill your ambition, because it will.
7. Bin the CV. Build a Story.
I might be wrong but I think CVs won’t be around forever. What matters when I meet someone is whether they’re doing something they really want to be doing and have gone out and built the skills and experience necessary to do that thing better. There are SO many good web tools for sharing your story, there’s no excuse.
8. Do one thing exceptionally well rather than everything just well.
9. Always try and escape the ‘vicious circle of badness’ @davecorn
These are excuses. Try not to use them.
10. Use stimulants! Coffee for productivity. Beer for creativity. Water for life.
11. Read books that challenge you as well as blogs that distract you!
We agree with Zuck on this one. Sometimes you need to go deep to go far. That’s why we started Rebel Book Club.
12. Above everything — surround yourself with people who are doing work they love.
Friday is fast approaching but if you’re feeling the midweek blues you’re in the right place to be inspired!
Last week we mentioned that for the next couple of weeks a member of the Do What You Love team will be sharing what they’re up to and what is motivating them at the moment. We hope their thoughts get you thinking about what lights you up and how you can make get more of this into your life.
TodayPaul Kempton talks about doing something that makes a difference…
Here at DWYL we are always very conscious and determined that our content and courses are current and oozing with quality. Put simply they are as good as we can make them.
This month we opened the classroom for the tenth Do What You Love e-course. Although the course has been running for five years now the quality of the exercises and format continue to push our participants completely out of their comfort zones.
We are just entering Week 4 and already some very powerful issues have been addressed. A few of the topics discussed are below:
The importance of honesty. This might sound very obvious but we bury our greatest feelings deep, deep down because we are afraid, we don’t want to be ridiculed, we’re searching for acceptance, we fear other people’s judgments, etc…
The power of saying something out loud or putting it out there. This takes courage but it is only then we realise its importance.
Where can we find the courage and bravery required to make changes
The importance of communication.
When doing something so personal it is important to have a safe haven where you feel comfortable sharing your feelings and findings. Aside from your personal journal, this course in particular has a powerful and understanding community. The hundreds of people from across the globe who joined us this time round are an amazing group of people – who all want to spend more time doing what they love – and I have no doubt their strength in numbers will serve them very well in the weeks and months to come.
My thought of the week: It took me years of coasting through life, of lacking courage to make big changes, to find my true path. So our work here fills me with great pride ands joy. We are a small, friendly and dynamic team who juggle everything that life throws at us and are ultimately working harder than ever. Why? Because we truly believe the world will be a better place if more people are ‘Doing What They Love’. I cannot think of a better reason to wake up every morning.
What’s inspiring and motivating you this Wednesday? We’d love to know.
With 2017 on horizon, now is the perfect time to invest in yourself. Whether it’s learning a new skill, developing yourself personally or professionally, tapping into your creativity, hiring a coach, or taking a break before the Christmas festivities start, making time for yourself is a powerful thing to do.
Nurturing yourself and your dreams sends a strong message into the world: I’m listening to the voice of my soul. I’m willing to give myself the time, energy, and space I need to develop and grow. I want to be the best possible version of myself.
When you say yes to exciting new opportunities, doors start to open as if by magic. Just try it and see!
Whether your inner voice is calling you to start that business, take up yoga, write a book, or do a digital detox, here’s our pick of the best upcoming festivals, retreats, and events across the globe to take you a step closer to your dreams.
A BIT ON THE SIDE: START A BUSINESS AND KEEP YOUR JOB
When: TONIGHT! November 7, 2016 @ 6.30pm – 9.30pm
Where: Frederick’s Place, London, UK
Cost: £60
Organiser: Escape The City
More info & to book: https://blog.escapethecity.org/event/a-bit-on-the-side-start-a-business-and-keep-your-job-3/
Are you sitting on a business idea but don’t have the time, money or resources to start it? Are you curious about the new world of startups and freelance careers? You’re not alone in wanting to branch out and create something on your own. This workshop will give you tools, tricks and inspiration from those that have set up businesses whilst remaining in employment. It’s ideal for: anyone who wants to learn what small steps can help them to explore their business idea alongside their day job; community lovers who want to build a network; advice hunters and doers who want practical tips to help them get started. You’ll hear from people that have done it – both those that have transitioned into their startup full-time, and those still in full-time employment but running a business on the side. Most excitingly – you’ll get started on your business, right in the room, surrounded and encouraged by your fellow attendees!
THE WRITER’S WORKSHOP 2016
When: November 19 – 20, 2016
Where: The Royal College of Surgeons of England, London, UK
Price: £279
Organiser: Hay House Publishing
More info & to book: https://www.hayhouse.co.uk/lectures-events/writers-workshop-london-2016
Are you a writer with a great book idea and a strong desire to be published? Do you just need the inside scoop on how to perfect and publish your book? Then this is the workshop for you! This is your chance to publish a book with Hay House UK and become a bestselling author – one participant will be awarded a publishing contract with Hay House and a £5,000 advance! Join this special two-day workshop with some of Hay House’s finest speakers and authors – many of whom have firsthand knowledge of creating and writing bestselling books. Learn from Michelle Pilley, the Publisher and Managing Director of Hay House UK. She will offer key advice learned from her 30 years of successful publishing experience and expert knowledge of how to nail a publishing deal.
THE HAPPY START UP SCHOOL CANVAS
When: November 22, 2016 @ 5pm – 7.30pm
Where: Wagner Hall, Brighton, UK
Price: £22 (+ £2.07 booking fee)
Organiser: Brighton & Hove Social Enterprise Network in partnership with The Happy Startup School
More info & to book: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/startup-the-happy-startup-canvas-tickets-26284104464
This inspiring workshop will help you to clarify if your idea is a social enterprise and support you, as budding social entrepreneur, to go from idea to action fast, and learn techniques for validating your idea with customers without the need for big budgets. It will give you the knowledge and tools to help you to tap into the growing trends that will affect how your business operates and start to bake happiness into your DNA.
DIGITAL DETOX WEEKEND
When: December 8 – 11, 2016
Where: Finland
Cost: £1,159
Organiser: The Flash Pack
More info & to book: https://flashpack.com/adventure-trips/finland-digital-detox/
If you’d love to swap your mobile for a snowmobile and indulge yourself with a short and energising recharge ahead of the Christmas festivities, this digital detox weekend in Finland delivers. Designed for solo travellers or small groups of friends, it a chance to unwind by immersing yourself in Finnish culture, cuisine and adventure. For four days you can switch off from modern life and sink into the wonderful Finnish snowscape. Go trekking, skiing, husky sledding, ride a reindeer sleigh, relax in the sauna and spend evenings watching the Northern Lights or warming yourself by the fire in a cosy inn straight out of a Christmas card.
Torassieppi Wooden Cabins, Muonio
OSHO WINTER FESTIVAL: LIVING FROM THE HEART
When: December 8 – 11, 2016
Where: Osho Leela, Dorset, UK
Cost: from £129
Organiser: Osho Leela Community
More info & to book: https://osholeela.uk/events/osho-winter-festival-2016/
Dive deep into the roots of your being and fly high on the wings of love and connection. This festival will warm your heart, heal you from the inside and expand your vision. It is a fun and nourishing celebration in beautiful countryside setting – perfect for winter rambles. Innovative and playful workshops include things like Shiatsu, singing, tantra, art, Biodanza, ageless vitality, discovering your inner child, self-enquiry and comedy. There’s also a full meditation programme including satsang with live music from band Satvaa, evening meetings, dance and live performances followed by an Osho video discourse.
THE INSTANT PAUSE
When: January 14, 2017
Where: Berlin, Germany
Cost: £140
Organiser: Life by Danielle
More info & to book: https://www.lifebydanielle.com/retreats/instant-pause/
In this one-day workshop, led by Nicola Moss, you’ll get time and space to think about you and your life and bring yourself back into balance. The Instant Pause workshop helps you look back to move forwards. You may be at a point of transition in your life; considering where to go next in your career, feeling burnt out from corporate life, or you may run your own business and are in need of some time and space to ensure you’re focusing on the right things. Your focus might be personal – life may be nudging you right now to stop and take a pause. Whether personal or career, this day away will create space for you to slow down, reflect and focus on what’s important.
WANDERLUST GREAT LAKE TAUPO
When: February 2-5, 2017
Where: Wairakei Geothermal Valley, Great Lake Taupo, New Zealand
Cost: $70 to $480
Organiser: Wanderlust
More info & to book: https://www.wanderlust.com
Unplug from the ordinary. Adventure awaits. Wanderlust Great Lake Taupo is an all-out celebration of mindful living. Bringing together a remarkable group of yoga and meditation instructors, musical performers, speakers, artists and chefs for a transformational retreat this is an experience that will get into your mind, body and soul. Regardless of what starts you on your path, Wanderlust is an experience that will leave you different than when you came – with new ideas, new friends, newly-discovered abilities, and greater peace. Find your true north.
ENVISION
When: February 23 – 26, 2017
Where: Uvita, Costa Rica
Cost: $298.00
Organiser:
More info & to book: https://www.envisionfestival.com
Want to venture to new lands of self-discovery? This festival has one of the biggest line up lists, and a mixed bag of eco, spiritual, yoga and development courses and classes on its menu. A celebration dedicated to awakening our human potential, Envision provides a platform for different cultures to co-exist in sustainable community, and inspire one another through art, spirituality, yoga, music, dance, performance, education, sustainability and acknowledge our fundamental connection with nature. Definitely worthy of a trip!
BALI SPIRIT FESTIVAL
When: Mar 19 – Mar 26, 2017
Where: Ubud, Bali
Cost: Early Bird full pass: $575 until February 1, 2017
Organiser: Co-Founders Megan Pappenheim, Kadek Gunarta, and Robert Weber
More info & to book: https://balispiritfestival.com
Seated in the spot of Elizabeth’s Gilbert reinvention from Eat, Pray, Love, the Bali Spirit Festival is an energy-charged event that will be sure to spark your soul. From music, yoga, health and wellbeing to eco and social change it has all the elements you need to learn, grow and develop a holistic lifestyle. You’ll spend the days on lush terraced lawns with open pavilions, and at night the party moves to an outdoor stage for a world music concert like no other on Earth.
Disclaimer: We are not affiliates of or involved in the running of any of the suggested events. Please contact the organisers directly with any questions or queries.
“May the space between where I am and where I want to be inspire me.” ~ Tracee Ellis Ross
Yes… it’s that time of the week again – Happy Wednesday!
Friday is fast approaching but if you’re feeling the midweek blues you’re in the right place to be inspired!
Every Wednesday for the next few weeks, a member of the Do What You Love team will be sharing what they’re up to and what is motivating them at the moment. We hope their thoughts get you thinking about what lights you up and how you can make get more of this into your life…
Today founder Beth Kempton talks about making dreams happen…
I have just got back from the USA where I spoke at ‘I Am… Courage – New York City’. I shared the stage with five amazing women who lit up the room with their tales of brave and truthful living.
The six of us actually created that event from nothing – we met at a workshop several months before and decided we had a common message, which we wanted to spread widely. When the event was over, and we had been showered with incredible feedback from the audience, we went to dinner and just sat there looking at each other, grinning. In that moment we realised that we just made something awesome happen, simply by committing to it, setting a date, and then doing the work needed to pull it off. And then we all showed up and spoke honestly and openly, and it resonated deeply with those in attendance.
It taught me that we don’t need other people’s permission to do amazing things. We can make them happen ourselves, especially when we have the support of others like us, committed to a common goal.
My thought of the week: When you’re stuck in a mid-week slump, remind yourself that you have all the power you need to lift yourself out. You just need to commit, and then follow through. You are the owner of your dreams and you can make them real!
This is what I constantly seem to be saying to Beth at the moment, in fact I have been saying it for the last few months. There is an energy and a level of optimism in what we are doing at the moment that I don’t think we have experienced for a couple of years in the business. Not to say that it hasn’t been enjoyable, far from it, but we seem to be in a position where the foundations of our plans have been laid and all those hours, days, months and years of hard work are paying dividends.
Why the level of excitement? Well, there are a few reasons. Firstly, Beth is realising her dream of writing a book and is working with her dream publisher to bring ‘Freedom Seeker’ to life and out into the world. Stay tuned for more on that very soon! To watch someone so close to you achieve a lifelong dream is a reminder that life is what we make it. (Beth is looking over my shoulder right now and telling me that ‘Life is what you make it’ was her motto in her school yearbook over two decades ago!)
Secondly, the actual writing of the book has provided a fresh focus for us here at DWYL. The world of publishing is new to us but finding out about it, working with new people and learning new skills has been a very enjoyable learning curve.
Thirdly, it became very apparent that to achieve all our new goals we needed some additional help. So it is with great pleasure that I can introduce our newest team member… Fiona Duffy.
Welcome Fiona Duffy – the latest addition to the DWYL family!
We are absolutely over the moon to welcome Fiona into the DWYL family. She brings with her invaluable experience working with The Happy Startup School, an infectious enthusiasm, a huge smile and a refreshing honesty and openness. And she gets it! She really does. She gets what we are trying to do, where we want to be and has so many ideas to help us get there.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank the guys at The Happy Startup School for supporting Fiona’s decision to go to part time so she can spend the rest of the week with us, and embarks on the phase of her career and life. You are going to love her like we do!
Recruiting for your own business is often challenging, because when you have a small team you really have to fit together. But sometimes someone comes along who makes it very easy for you. In this case it was a complete no-brainer. Fiona oozes charm, a zest for life and is a huge force of positive energy. Welcome Fiona – we hope you enjoy your role with us!
Thought of the moment
We are all works in progress. Beth spotted this written on a window in New York on her travels last week, and tells me she suddenly felt like the pressure was off. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we are works-in-progress, that we don’t have to be perfect, and that every day offers an opportunity to learn and grow. So here’s to you being a work-in-progress too!
This is a guest post by one of the UK’s leading experts in digital distraction and digital detox, Frances Booth, author of The Distraction Trap: How to Focus in a Digital World, A Writer For All Seasons, and more productivity tips. Find out more about her here.
Here’s a work scenario most of us are familiar with …
You’ve just settled down to the task you’re doing, when someone interrupts you and asks you to do something else instead.
So, you switch tasks and put aside whatever it was you were doing.
But how much has switching your attention in this way just cost you in terms of lost productivity?
Research shows that switch-tasking – where we switch from one task to another – is extremely bad for productivity.
Yet many of us switch-task for large parts of every day. (We often think of this as multitasking, though what happens is we’re actually switching rapidly between tasks.)
It’s not just other people who interrupt us. We also interrupt ourselves. We get distracted, or we let a new demand – that comes in via email, for example – to throw us off course.
‘Multitasking’ has become a way of life for many of us. Yet it’s sapping our productivity.
We toggle all day between emails and a piece of work we’re doing. Or we check our smartphone all the time, switching task frequently to read and reply to messages.
We like to think we can do two things at once.
We do this to such an extent that media multitasking has become the norm.
Often, we multitask because it feels like we’re being more productive. But this is not the case.
Evidence shows that multitasking saps productivity and can leave us exhausted.
When we switch from one task to another, we use “goal shifting” to decide to do one thing instead of another, and we use “role activation” to change the rules for the previous task to the rules of the new task, researchers have found.
Both of these processes cost us time.
While there might be relatively small switch costs for just one switch of task, if we start to switch repeatedly back and forth, the costs add up.
In fact, the costs are huge. Switching between tasks can cost you as much as 40% of your productive time, according to expert David Meyer.
So if we ‘multitask’ or rather switch-task as our standard mode of working we’re missing a very important productivity trick.
It sounds simpler than it is. To do this, we need to develop our skills of mental focus, learn strategies to avoid distraction, and find ways to cut down on interruptions by other people.
However, for the productivity boost it gives us, it’s worth a bit of work to achieve.
So rather than spending the day multitasking, try boosting your productivity by doing one thing at a time.
This post is written by our Senior Editor, Rachel Kempton…
Mid-week Slump, Wednesday Wall, Hump Day – whatever you want to call it – if you’re feeling tired, fed up, or burnt out after a busy start to the week, a little motivation boost could be just what you need to lift your mid-week blues.
Here’s our 5-step guide to powering through Wednesday and turning your week around…
1. Rise (earlier) and shine!
“Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
Snoozing under the duvet may seem way more appealing than getting up early but studies show that the most productive and successful people wake up early to experience the peaceful precious moments before sunrise. This extra time, when the world is all quiet and still, allows you to focus on yourself, prepare for the day ahead and get a jumpstart.
How? Go to bed an hour earlier and set your alarm an hour earlier then see what you can do.
Top tip! If you’d love to change your life, reduce stress, lose weight and take positive steps towards fulfilling your dreams read The Miracle Morning: The 6 Habits That Will Transform Your Life Before 8am by Hal Elrod.
2. Frontload Your Day
“We think, mistakenly, that success is the result of the amount of time we put in at work, instead of the quality of time we put in.” ~ Arianna Huffington
How awesome is it when you have a super-productive morning completing your biggest, most challenging tasks? Heading into the afternoon knowing that the tasks that have been worrying you, that you’ve been putting off, or that have been eating into your time are done and dusted feels great.
How? Energy levels are generally higher in the morning than they are come mid-afternoon so re-structure the way you schedule your Wednesdays. Instead of pushing out your meetings, calls, or projects until after lunch, put the more consuming tasks first.
Top tip! For more hints and tips on getting more done faster, and getting the right things done read Eat That Frog! By Brian Tracy.
3. Plan a lovely lunch
“When I eat with my friends, it is a moment of real pleasure, when I really enjoy my life.” ~ Monica Bellucci
So remember that really good feeling of getting everything done before noon? Well now, you get to reward yourself a bit more… with a delicious lunch date.
How?: Round up a few co-workers or friends and head out to for a quick bite to eat. Walk, talk and share some laughs along the way. Getting away from it all will help you disconnect and refocus your mind.
Top tip! Having lunch out doesn’t have to be expensive. You could always prepare lunch at home and head to the nearest green space for a picnic.
4. Give your brain a break
“True enjoyment comes from activity of the mind and exercise of the body; the two are ever united.” ~ Wilhelm von Humboldt
Did you know that a large percentage of our struggles are mental? That means, quite simply, that we also have the power to overcome them, and one of the best ways to do this is through exercise. Whether it’s a mile-long jog to kick-start your day or a yoga class to unwind at the end of the day, doing a bit of exercise is guaranteed to re-energise your body and mind and help you push through the rest of the week.
How? There are lots of ways to incorporate more activity into your day:
Ask yourself what you enjoy doing and schedule a time to do it.
Just like Steve Jobs who made a habit of walking meetings, perform simple exercises throughout the day to prevent you from feeling tired and lethargic.
“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” ~ John Lennon
Wednesday is the perfect day to spend at least one hour doing what you love to do. Instead of focusing on just “getting through” the day and counting down to the weekend, start doing something that makes you feel great.
How? Ask yourself: What makes me truly happy? How could I incorporate more of this into my Wednesday? Add it to your diary and follow through with it.
Top tip! Whether you’re looking to create more time and space in your life to do what you love, or you’re ready to make a new start and find personal, professional and financial freedom the Do What You Love e-course is perfect for you. Our course runs for 5 weeks from October 17, 2016, and you can book your place here or click on the image below:
Is the mid-week slump something that you struggle with? How do you power through to the weekend? We’d love to know! And if you never have that Wednesday feeling because you’re doing what you love, we’d love to hear from you too…