HEADSPACE + HEARTSPACE Page 7 of 21

Life According To Mr. K – Love to Discover (1)

Posted on 2013-07-05 at 8:00 am.

Six years ago, without even knowing it, I was completely lost. My career was going OK, but I had stopped dreaming and I had little to no ambition. I seemed to live only for weekends with the boys and a few holidays dotted throughout the year. Looking back I can see that I had everything the wrong way round.

Then a girl walked into my life and changed everything. Beth was to become my saviour, my purpose and my direction. It sounds dramatic but it is true. She reignited my passion for life. Little did I know it right then, but life was about to get a whole lot more interesting!

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” – Andre Gide

I have written on this blog before about our sabbatical in Japan last year. The decision to go was certainly one, which became the catalyst for huge change and even greater self-discovery.

We primarily found ourselves in Japan because Beth loves the place, the culture, the language and the people. And she is the most important thing in my life so not to share this passion would have been like not acknowledging a part of her.

My initial motivation for going had been to share in this love, to experience all the things she held close to her heart and hopefully, somewhere along the line, pick up a bit of the lingo. I needed to communicate with her friends better than just politely smiling and nodding my head. And to be honest, I couldn’t wait for six months off work.

But in the end it became something much more significant than that. The extended time away from home and work also became an opportunity to ask myself a lot of questions that I had never dared ask before.

I remember sitting on the banks of the Kamogawa River and taking my notebook out of my very masculine bicycle basket. I opened it up and then just sat there, pencil primed for what seemed like an eternity until I started to write. I think the pause was more to do with being flooded with ideas. It took a while to filter through the waterfall of cascading thoughts and focus on the moment. What was on my mind now? This is what I wrote:

Who am I, Where am I

35 years old
OK job
Great girlfriend (I hadn’t proposed at that point!)
Own a bit of property (as well as you can own something with a considerable mortgage attached)
A beautiful home
Happy? Content?

When I was 12, is this how I imagined it would be at 35?

No, not unless astronauts trained in Kyoto!

I then started to write down as many honest thoughts regarding myself as I could bear to admit:

Years of cruising around in second gear. Always just doing enough (whatever that now meant)
Feeding my social laddish side
But what about me, what about the boy before the alcohol and girls? What was I doing back then? I remember being interested. I remember asking question after question.
Have I changed so much? More importantly do I care?

“Sometimes the best way to figure out who you are is to get to that place where you don’t have to be anything else.” – Unknown

Without doubt I am blessed with great family and friends. But there is more to it than that. I needed to answer the questions…

Who am I?
Where am I?

These are deceptively simple questions and I was really struggling to answer them.

My thoughts went automatically to sport and more specifically football (soccer), but what about ME? How was I going to make myself feel proud?

I decided to look back to my earlier childhood before sport became all encompassing. This took many chats, coffees, beers, runs, bike rides and lots of listening to music. It is amazing what can provoke memories and what you actually forgot you used to do. Isn’t it strange that to move forwards more often than not you have to look backwards?

“You will recognize your own path when you come upon it, because you will suddenly have all the energy and imagination you will ever need.” – Jerry Gillies

I decided to start by getting myself really fit and healthy. This was an aspect of my life that has always been a form of salvation for me. But ever since I turned 30 I had been in denial. My body doesn’t respond and recover as fast as it did in my 20s and I soon realized I needed to sacrifice a little bit more than I used to in this quest. I definitely struggle to enjoy everything around me if I do not feel good in myself. This was actually my first recognition of who I am as an individual. And getting fit again was an important first step on the road to doing what I love.

How about you? Who are you? Where you thought you would be? Have you thought about this lately? It would be great to hear about your journey too.

Until next time…

Mr K

So very happy… (BIG news!)

Posted on 2013-07-01 at 5:00 pm.

Written by Beth Kempton

And just when we thought this year couldn’t get any better…

… we discover we are having a baby! Life will never be the same and we couldn’t be happier. This feels like the most important adventure of our lives – 17 weeks and counting. It is hard to put into words what it feels like knowing there is a little person growing and developing in there. We love this little baby so much already!

The baby’s due date is December 11, which means it will be a Christmas baby. Our favourite time of year just got even more special…

This is a completely unknown world to us and we know we have so much to learn.

If you have children how did you feel when you found out? And what is your best advice for nurturing a happy baby? We’d love to know!

The Art of Discovery

Posted on 2013-07-01 at 9:00 am.

Written by Beth Kempton

The more you learn, the more you realise you don’t know, and I think the same goes for discovery – the more you discover, the more you realise there is to discover. This is one of the reasons I think life is so utterly fascinating – there is always something else around the corner, something to find out about the people you know, the place you live, your own possibilities, and on and on.

Discovery is a HUGE part of following a path to doing what you love. If you aren’t doing something you love right now, without exploring and discovering what there is out there, and what there is inside of you, you will have a hard time finding the sweet spot where you find yourself living your passion and your fullest life every single day.

This month we are diving deep into this topic with our new theme ‘Love to Discover’, with some fascinating interviews and a series of ponderings. We hope it will inspire you to ask yourself deeper questions, and discover more about yourself and the world you live in.

Are you ready for an adventure of discovery?

Life According To Mr.K – Love to Change (4)

Posted on 2013-06-28 at 8:00 am.

Written by Beth Kempton

“Things do not change; we change” – Henry David Thoreau

How times change! Do you ever find yourself sitting there asking “How did I end up here? When did this become my life? Where have these extra inches around the waist come from? How do you use this thing??”

Yeah, me too! Isn’t it also funny that these slightly depressing realisations are usually then followed by little to no action? Change before you have to!

Why is it we normally have to wait for a traumatic event or even a disaster to happen before we make significant changes? This is certainly true of our history and it is certainly the way society and governments often work. But what if we were proactive and made changes, rather than reactive, and let changes happen to us?

Of course we all get older, our bodies change, as do our plans, priorities and maybe most importantly of all our responsibilities. But does this mean we can’t be the person we want to be? Or live in the kind of world we want to be part of?

I have spent the last two decades cruising around in second gear. Doing just enough. I have found myself at times poles apart from where I dreamt I might once be. I have now been inspired to change. I have been inspired to live the fullest life I can. And I am thrilled to be a part of Do What You Love helping other people to do the same.

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” – Margaret Mead

All I know is that I want to be the best person I can be. I want to be the person my parents raised. I want to be the husband my wife dreamt about and one day hopefully be a father that my children are proud of and inspired by. I want to live the life I used to dream of, and at last I feel like I am on my way. Only I can make it happen, and I have finally realised that.

How about you? Do you tend to complain about things? This week, when you feel like complaining about something, why not try changing something about the way you approach it? You must be the change you wish to see in the world!

Until next time,

Mr K

Honeymoon (4): Borgo Santo Pietro

Posted on 2013-06-26 at 9:13 am.

Written by Beth Kempton

Continuing the story of our dreamy honeymoon (which seems like a long time ago now, even though it was only in April)…

We spent three blissful days at Borgo Santo Pietro, a stunning Italian villa in the Tuscan countryside, which turns out to have been awarded ‘Best Boutique Hotel in the World’ in 2012! I am not surprised – it felt like you were staying at a rich friend’s gorgeous country home. It is hard to find words to describe this place, so I will let the pictures do the talking.

This chandelier was in the toilet!

One night the kitchen was doing a special Tuscan dinner, but we had already sampled so much rich food we decided to opt for something more simple in their outdoor bar (in the picture above). And as everyone else was at the dinner, we ended up with the whole place to ourselves, with our own personal barman, a roaring log fire and deep comfy sofas to chill in as we sampled the best the local vineyard had to offer. We talked long into the night about the shared life we have ahead of us, and I think it was actually my favourite night of the whole honeymoon.

Although the days were warm, the nights were chilly, so we spent a fair bit of time by the log fires inside the house too – so cosy.

Such a special place…

You can read my other honeymoon posts here: (1) Florence / (2) Castel Monastero / (3) Winetasting in Tuscany / (4) Borgo Santo Pietro / (5) Pasta masterclass / (6) Pisa and home

Life According To Mr. K – Love to Change (2)

Posted on 2013-06-14 at 8:00 am.

Written by Beth Kempton

The six months I spent in Japan last year was certainly one of huge change and of even greater self-discovery. It is most probably one of the most important decisions I have ever made and has been truly life changing. But surely we don’t have to disappear half way around the world every time we have an issue to work through.

I think it is important to note that I didn’t arrive in Japan and suddenly find all the answers. Far from it! It was a long and very frustrating process that eventually presented me with the questions I needed to ask myself.

It is easy to say that things have to change, but the big question is ‘How do I go about changing them?’ Herein lies the key.

I had to ask myself, “How do I want to feel in my life? What do I need to do differently to feel that way?”

The changes I sought had to come from within me. In six months’ time I was to return home. I refused to consider returning with no plan for doing things differently, and allowing all my old issues to return. I needed a long term and soul defining change.

I remember sitting on the banks of the Kamogawa (Kamo River) one morning reading a book that a friend had sent me. The book “Eat, Sleep Sit”, the autobiographical story of 30 year old Japanese businessman Kaoru Nonomura, who gave it all up to spend a year at Japan’s strictest and most revered training monastery, Eiheiji.

The book made me ask myself what do we hope to achieve by making such drastic changes. Do we hope that the magnitude of the change will be directly proportional to the effect it will have? Or is it more a case of, “If I am going to do this then I am going to really do this. Sink or swim.”

My conclusion? I’m not actually sure, but what I do know is that taking a big step to arrest the trajectory of my life gave me the time, space and energy to take more control of its direction. Making a big change means you cannot help but notice that things are different. And that can be just the wake up call we need.

I found some parallels with Nonomura’s story and what I was hoping to achieve, but there was one major difference. If I was to succeed I needed to be realistic. I needed to appreciate that some changes may take a while. And I needed a plan. I wasn’t running away, I just needed to catch my breath.

“Just because everything is different doesn’t mean anything has changed”

– Irene Peter

We seem to put a lot of emphasis on changing location to help us make changes. This can help in certain situations, but it is definitely not the only way. In fact to make real soul defining changes we need to build on what we discover whilst away and find a structure that will work for us.

Surely we can find inspiration anywhere and everywhere – we just need to give ourselves the opportunity and more importantly the time to spot it!

If you could escape from your daily life, where would you go and why? Is there any way you can make that happen? It doesn’t have to be this week – it could be in the next year? Or the next five years? I’d like to hear about it.

Until next time…

Places and Spaces – Our Garden

Posted on 2013-06-12 at 1:47 pm.

Written by Beth Kempton

Welcome to ‘Places and Spaces’, our Wednesday column where we share places we go to think, get inspired, or come alive. The environment around us has such a bearing on how we feel, and sometimes a change of scene can make a world of difference to your perspective, thought process, or decisions.

Today I want to share somewhere very special to us both and somewhere I have rediscovered and found a new appreciation for recently. Our garden!

Since beginning my new venture with Do What You Love I have found myself working from home for the majority of the week. Much of that time is spent behind the computer. This is not something I have been used to as in my previous career I spent a lot of time on construction sites. This time outside always – by myself or laughing with my team, along with a big dose of fresh air – helped me put into perspective any problems or issues that I was dealing with at the time.

I had wondered how I would replace this valuable and necessary escape time whilst working at home. The answer presented itself in the form of our garden. It provides great sanctuary away from the computer, whether it is fending off the dreaded bindweed, rustling amongst the ferns and flowers or providing a thirst quenching drink to the plants.

I find it particularly comes alive for me whilst watering it. The sun glistens off the varying shapes of leaves and the colours are enhanced. For a few fleeting moments I forget about everything else other than the garden itself.

The garden provides so many different perspectives with a different treat in store depending where you choose to look.

I love our sunken table – the perfect place for outdoor meetings, dinner and chats, or gatherings of friends. A fair few big decisions have been made in this wooden oasis, usually with a glass of wine in hand.

I certainly never have thought I would enjoy gardening. To care for and nurture the garden provides respite from the world around me. One I would not have discovered without changing other aspects of my life.

Where is your sanctuary? Where do you go to escape from the hustle and bustle?

Change vs transition

Posted on 2013-06-11 at 6:05 pm.

Written by Beth Kempton

Inspired by Jennifer Lee’s latest newsletter, Mr K and I were having a chat today about the difference between ‘change’ and ‘transition’.

As we started packing boxes for our next house move in three weeks’ time, here are some of the things we pondered:

‘Change’ is often an event, whereas ‘transition’ is often the period of time running up to that event as you prepare for it, and following that event as you settle into it.
The word ‘change’ feels huge and in-your-face. ‘Transition’ feels more subtle.
Change seems sudden. Transition seems gradual.
‘Change’ sounds like a destination. ‘Transition’ sounds like a journey.
Change seems practical or physical. Transition is more emotional.
To make a change you usually have to stop doing something, start doing something, or do something differently. And it can be forced upon you. This often takes a sackload of courage. To make a transition perhaps you can be more gentle on yourself, take baby steps, and test the water as you go.

With both change and transition you end up somewhere you weren’t before. And that’s exciting, but can be scary! From the many changes we have gone through over the past few months, we have found that the following really help:

Know what you want to be different after the change. Keep reminding yourself of this when things get tough.
Have a plan for making the change, and handling the emotional transition.
Be aware that these things usually take longer than you expect.
Expect to feel disoriented, a little in limbo, or nervous. Being uncomfortable for a while can lead to great things.
Talk to someone about it. You don’t have to go through it on your own. And if someone is sharing the journey, that is even more fun!
Take a moment to reflect on what has gone past before you leap into the change.
Celebrate your new beginning.

How about you? What do you think is the difference between change and transition? And how have you handled the big changes in your life?

Thought for the Week (16)

Posted on 2013-06-10 at 8:00 am.

Written by Beth Kempton

I think Wayne Dyer is on to something very important here. Maybe every now and again it would be worth asking someone else what they see? And then try looking at things from a different perspective.

Do you agree?

Honeymoon (2): Castel Monastero in Tuscany

Posted on 2013-06-09 at 12:35 pm.

Written by Beth Kempton

After Florence we headed off into the Tuscan countryside for some chill out time in a beautiful old converted monastery. I had read about Castel Monastero in several ‘luxury spa’ and ‘best hotels’ books – the name kept popping up again and again so we decided to try it out. The place was perfect for us after the manic few weeks that precede a wedding. It was so peaceful and relaxed, giving us plenty of time to reflect on the brilliant time we had at our wedding, as well as talk about the kind of marriage and life we want to share in the years ahead.

We borrowed the hotel’s bikes and cycled past the olive groves surrounding the estate, soaked in the spa (which we had completely to ourselves, complete with strange dead sea salt bath) and then came back to the stunning hotel bar for very welcome cocktails!

One of my favourite parts of this section of our honeymoon was the stunning Gordon Ramsay restaurant in the basement of the hotel. ‘Cantina’ is built inside a vaulted wine cellar, reached down a narrow set of uneven stone steps lit only with candles.

These photos don’t really do the place justice. It was so atmospheric and the food was divine, paired with delicious wines from the hotel’s own vineyard. They happily made things to order if what you fancied wasn’t on the menu, and nothing was rushed. We ended up eating here three times!

We discovered the best creme brulee in the world…

While at Castel Monastero we also hired a driver and went on a long tour of the local vineyards. Such fun! More on that in my next honeymoon post…

Every day of our honeymoon felt like a precious gift of time to relax, soak up the beauty of the Italian countryside, and spend time together. We are grateful to our families and wedding guests who contributed to our honeymoon as our wedding present. The gift of travel was the perfect gift for us.

You can read my other honeymoon posts here: (1) Florence / (2) Castel Monastero / (3) Winetasting in Tuscany / (4) Borgo Santo Pietro / (5) Pasta masterclass / (6) Pisa and home