HEADSPACE + HEARTSPACE Page 2 of 22

Why Every Parent Needs More Headspace

Posted on 2018-07-18 at 9:03 am.

by guest writer Alison Qualter-Berna

The mother of a 6-month-old baby rushes to the kitchen as soon as her daughter falls asleep so she can mash organic avocado into the BPA free glass bowl she just bought. You know the kind; the one promising to seal in nutrients. As her breastmilk seems to be dwindling with each passing day, making her feel insecure and insufficient, she feels she has to provide supplemental nutrition where she can. She stops briefly to read 4 lines of an article about what she’s “supposed” to do when, alas, naptime is over and it’s back to parenthood. As she picks up her bundle of magic, she realizes she’s yet to brush her teeth.

The father of a 6-year-old child rushes home from the office to do “homework” with his first grader wondering if all little boys swing from the headboard while they are reading. The human brain can absorb vocabulary while upside down, can’t it? Is he the only one who doesn’t read chapter books yet? Is the dad the only father trying to squeeze the love of an entire afternoon into a few precious, tired hours before bed?

The mother of a 16-year-old teenager watches her daughter walk out of the house to go to a birthday party wearing a half shirt. Is it okay or if she suggests something with more coverage or does it means she’s sexualizing what is simply a fashion trend? She swallows her inner disapproval with a smile that says ‘I love you no matter what,’ only to receive a comment about how much homework is on deck for the next day…that of course after the ride to soccer and then the drive to lacrosse in another state. Her overscheduled brain will still figure out how her daughter will fit piano and cello practice in before the big recital. “Oh, and I forgot…Mom, can you set your alarm for 6am? I need you to quiz me in science”

Every phase of parenthood is both blissfully fulfilling and (if you’re all in) utterly exhausting. You love and you love, and you give and you give, but some days you wonder where did I go? Is there a pause button I can press in the struggle to find myself?

Enter meditation.

Meditation carries the answers to so many issues facing parents and yet many of us are too busy to slow down, let alone sit in silence for 10 or 15 minutes. There are lots of ways to get started and workshops to explore but the simplest way is right in your back pocket on your smartphone. My absolutely favorite app is called Headspace. Headspace is ideal for new meditators or for busy parents because it’s an app that makes it all accessible. You don’t have to sit cross-legged. You don’t have to practice yoga. You don’t have to be versed in Buddhist philosophy. You just have to commit to taking 10 minutes for yourself, every single day.

Headspace’s incredibly varied theme packs range from managing anxiety or stress, to finding productivity or happiness. Whether you are looking to be more productive in your days or heal childhood wounds, meditation has a (different) answer for each one of us. I have many friends who seem to crave meditation but ask me how I can possibly fit it into my hour-to-hour, frenetic work days. I invite them to simply try Andy’s soothing and knowledgeable voice on Headspace for just 10 minutes a day for 10 days and then check back with me. Every single time I hear about the positive change it makes…and in such a short window of time.

Meditation offers a safe space for each of us to start a conversation with ourselves, however afraid we might be to have it. What parent doesn’t long for the time to explore the musings in the mind and simply observe them, without judgement? Meditation can be exactly that “pause button” we crave as busy parents.

In that pause, we can learn many lessons that support not only our parenting journey but all of our relationships.

Meditation teaches us about letting go. Meditation helps us internalize letting go which may be the most difficult task of a loving parent: letting your infant sleep on their own, letting your toddler explore their boundaries, letting your young child lose or fail, letting your teenager individuate, letting your young adult enter the great big world. Meditation is a practice that supports our efforts to relinquish control and simply celebrate the various roads our children will travel.
Meditation teaches us to be comfortable in uncertainty. After 12 years of working with families I have not met a parent who isn’t racked with uncertainty. How do I potty train my strong-willed child? How come my kid won’t eat anything that’s green? Can I get my child into the best preschool? What should I do if my child doesn’t make the soccer team? What should I say when my teenager admits she’s been drinking? What do I do if my child is moving in a direction I didn’t expect? We long for answers but the truth is that life simply unfolds. Meditation teaches us to sit with the uncertainty until we get to the moment when we need to act. And when we do, we respond in a calmer and more centered way.
Meditation teaches us to be fully present. In these incredible tech-heavy times, I see too many parents on their phones while their child is talking to them, and too many kids with their face in their devices when they should be having face to face conversations. Meditation encourages us to step out of what we are doing and get into the present moment. There is no guilt in being swallowed by your inbox (I am) or working all day only to miss your child’s dinner and bath. But in those 30 rushed minutes before bed, meditation teaches us how to make those fleeting minutes the most present time you can spend with your child. I always tell parents it’s the quality of time you spend with your child, not the quantity. Meditation supports that line of thinking and the benefits are endless.
Meditation teaches us to be more empathetic and really see through the lens of our child. My babies are now teenagers and I have a deep well of empathy for their experiences. But when I’m stretched thin or overly exhausted, I can easily forget that my way isn’t the only way. Meditation teaches us to be more sensitive to their needs, even if they aren’t meeting ours. The best part of this gift is its translation into every other relationship in life.
Meditation actually makes us less tired and more patient. If I could capture the number one thing parents have told me over the last decade at apple seeds, it very often comes back to, “I need more sleep.” Babies keep us up all night because they need us and teenagers keep us up all night because they don’t need us. It seems counterintuitive but taking just 10 or 20 minutes out of your day to meditate actually adds to how much you get done in that day. Your level of patience goes up and you complete more tasks in a less frenetic way. Meditation can improve your sleep which makes us less agitated. I used to pop a pill to fall back to sleep and now I just reach for Headspace. Headspace is the healthiest (and cheapest) cure for insomnia on the market.
Meditation is one of the greatest gifts we can give to our children. We spend so much time and money on our kids and I often wonder if they greatest gift we could ever give to them is actually free. In this crazy world, as more and more screens dominate our children’s minds, teaching them to meditate and be present or mindful is a gift they will carry throughout their lives. Not many other things we give our kids can compare. Meditation can teach a child to step out of their mind and observe their thoughts, helping them manage natural anxieties, increase their level of empathy, and help them navigate the throes of life.

Someone once told me that I should take note of how I feel immediately after doing something. If it doesn’t feel positive, then I should stop. If it does, then I should seek more. I keep seeking meditation because it always shows up. It’s like a daily morning date with my mind, and a safe space to explore questions where I’m still longing for answers. It’s a way for me to find separation from issues that can overtake me and allow new ideas to flow in. It’s a way to for me to start my day more centered and grounded, ready to parent with calmer energy, and ready to walk into my office and face anything that comes.

Perhaps most importantly, meditation is way for me to let go of things I hold on to and internalize the deep appreciation for every single ounce of what I’ve got. What busy parent doesn’t need that reminder?

Editor’s note: We also love Insight Timer (especially Yoga Nidra for Sleep with Jennifer Piercy) and Buddhify, created by our friend Rohan Gunatillake.

About Alison Qualter-Berna: Alison lives in NYC with her husband and three children. She spent five years in production at NBC News and six years at UNICEF where she created and managed a global program in Sports for Development. After her twin girls were born, she created apple seeds, an all-in-one play space for children 0-5 years, with three NYC locations and 20 songs for seeds music franchises. Alison is obsessed with yoga and endurance challenges. With her friends, she formed the nonprofit Team See Possibilities, making history three times.

Feeling rushed and exhausted? Try our on-demand course ‘How to be Happy (and Calm, Organized + Focused)‘

Read more about finding headspace and heartspace in ‘Freedom Seeker: Live more. Worry less. Do what you love.” by DWYL Founder Beth Kempton:

Feeling stuck? This could help you figure out what to do next!

Posted on 2018-01-30 at 9:35 pm.

Written by Beth Kempton

I am writing this on a train, whizzing north through the English countryside to a beautiful hidden place, for a week-long writing retreat to work on my next book. The fields outside my window are veiled in frost and mist, and I just found myself doing a long and slow exhale. You know the kind that you do at that moment when you realise all your holiday preparations are finally done, your bags are packed, your out-of-office is on and your adventure has actually begun? That kind of breath.

To me the idea of having a whole week stretching ahead of me to write (which means to wander and ponder, walk in the hills and think deeply about one particular thing, chew my pencil, eat chocolate and drink copious amounts of tea) is dreamy. It’s one of the times that I really feel free, and my life is better for it.

I’m sharing this with you because I want that for you too, whatever your version of feeling free might look like. Which brings me to our newest tool to help you figure it out!

Since Freedom Seeker was published a year ago (Is that all? It feels like several lifetimes!) I have been humbled and delighted to hear how it has helped so many of you discover so much more about yourself, and inspired you to move in a new direction. One of the things I have heard over and over is what a difference it made to have practical exercises in every chapter of the book, so it goes beyond inspiration to real and immediate action.

In order to make it even easier for you to take that action, we have designed this elegantly beautiful new Freedom Seeker Workbook to accompany the book. It’s an action plan for living more, worrying less and doing what you love. And it’s in digital format so you can either type straight into it, or print it out and use it like a personal journal.

The Workbook contains versions of all the exercises from the original book, with space to scribble your thoughts and responses, and ready-made templates where they are helpful. 78 pages of goodness to help you make an action plan for moving towards your dreams!

Get your Workbook here, and dive in!

And if you haven’t read Freedom Seeker go and get your copy now to read alongside the workbook, or get it on Audible and let me read the book to you, while you sit somewhere cosy with a cup of tea and let the Workbook work its magic!

Right, it’s time for me to switch off and get writing. I’ll see you on the other side…

Beth Xx

5 steps to decluttering your life {VIDEO}

Posted on 2018-01-15 at 7:22 pm.

Written by Beth Kempton

It’s that time of year. Are you feeling the burning desire to declutter and pare things down, but don’t know where to start? If so, here are some top tips for you:

Now, no more procrastinating. Off you go and begin!

On healing from trauma (new podcast episode with three times cancer survivor Sam Reynolds)

Posted on 2017-10-24 at 9:09 am.

Written by Beth Kempton

For any of you who are healing from any kind of trauma, I think you’re going to get a lot from this week’s Freedom Seeker Chronicles podcast. It’s an interview with a wonderful lady called Sam Reynolds, three times cancer survivor and founder of SamSpaces, a network for people finding their way after cancer. Sam is a true inspiration.

After our serendiptious meeting (I share the story on the show!) I was so blown away by Sam’s story that I interviewed her for my book Freedom Seeker and was wholly moved by her strength and light. I’m delighted to have Sam on the show today to talk more about the healing process after experiencing trauma. We go deep into why we need to make radical self-care at the forefront of everything we do.

You can listen to this special episode here.

Have a lovely week

BethXx

How to find calm as a busy parent

Posted on 2017-10-23 at 4:35 pm.

Written by Beth Kempton

Prioritising self care can be completely forgotten about – perhaps even laughed at! – when you’re trying to balance work, life and parenting. But if self care is a fundamental part of yours and your family’s happiness – you must be healthy and feel fulfilled to pass on the same for your children – why is it we don’t make it a priority in our day?

Meet Shawn Fink, a woman striving to help mothers find the inner calm, mindful moments in their day. In a world that is so fast paced, when you feel like you couldn’t possibly steal 10 minutes for yourself and a cup of tea, listen to Shawn’s advice to help you savour those quiet moments you need to make more of…

How to find calm as a busy parent Abundant Mama 1

1. Tell us about the work you do with Abundant Mama and how you came to start Doing What You Love?

Abundant Mama is a family and motherhood wellness program that teaches overwhelmed moms how to slow down, take care of themselves so they can take care of their families and how to mother from a place of abundance.

I started blogging in 2012 and sharing tips and tools for how to be more present, playful and peaceful and my blog took off. I ended up creating the Abundant Mama Digital Program in 2013 and it has been SO popular through word of mouth that I was able to quit my full-time job and focus on this project solely.

2. What is driving you to help so many mothers with the challenges motherhood can bring?

Creating a more peaceful world! I say it over and over again — peace begins with me. I have never found motherhood to be easy. And the more real conversations I have with other moms, the more I realize that there are many out there who feel the same way. We’re highly sensitive and deeply committed to doing this RIGHT and so we place a lot of false expectations on ourselves in the process. By helping moms face the challenge of motherhood with the right tools, strategies, self-care and support, I am helping to create a more peaceful world — one family at a time. That is my ultimate driving force.

3. How can any parent reading this silence the busyness and find calm in their day?

In my book, Savoring Slow, I talk about 12 habits to implement to really slow your life down. This doesn’t mean to no longer be busy. It means to create a sense of calm and beauty in your busy life. We’re raising kids — we’re BUSY. I’d like to share those habits here with your readers 12 Savoring Slow habits to adopt:

Wake Up — Practice waking up every single day to see the beauty in your life. It’s everywhere!
Release — Embrace the idea of letting go of what is not working for you any longer to create more time for what you love.
Reframe — Accept that your busy life is your beautiful life and start telling yourself a different story about how you are living.
Focus — Aim for a distraction-free life where you always try to do one thing or nothing at all.
Go Slowly — Forget rushing through and start lingering more in all areas of your day.
Do Less — Understand that the only way to have more time for the good stuff is to do less of the other stuff.
Plug-in — Reject the notion that you need to unplug and start intentionally plugging in to be more efficient with your time and life.
Unstructured — Create more free time in your family’s day to allow the wow moments to evolve and multiply.
Go Quiet — Quiet your mind and feel time expand in the process.
Savor — Take time to appreciate every little detail around you.
Abundance — Start seeing time for what it is — something to be thankful for in your life.
Make Space — Carve out physical, mental and emotional space in your life for the things you want more of in your day.

4. What do you think is the typical definition of ‘abundance’ for parents who join your community, and what practices are important to put in place to achieve that abundance?

Abundance often means FINALLY feeling like we are enough, we do enough and we have enough … and we can rest now.

5. As someone who is doing what they love, what does a typical day look like for you?

I’m writing this after my girls are back in school after summer break so my days are a bit different. But the idea is roughly the same. I wake early — often between 4 and 5 a.m. and take care of ME by doing my Rise and Shine Routine (I offer a free challenge on waking up early and taking care of yourself!). I then put all of my efforts into getting the family fed and out the door. Once everyone is gone, I get to work. I have about 7 hours a day on a good day to write, send emails, create products and manage my programs and clients. SO … no wasting time. In the late afternoon, I set my to-dos for the next day, take a walk and meditate before my girls get home from school. On a really good day I take a rest in my hammock! And then I try to put all energy into my family and home in the evenings … until I crash into bed often very early because I wake up so early.

6. How do you juggle being a mum with running a blossoming business? What challenges might you come across and ways to overcome them?

My biggest challenge is and always has been my schedule being so inconsistent. Summer break is hard because I don’t have much time to do my work — and taking time to do the work leaves me immense amount of guilt as it’s summer after all. The school year isn’t much better with half days, sick kids, holidays and appointments. I am a work in progress on finding the right way to let go and trust that it all will get done.

7. Do you have any tools/techniques to help mothers who feel stressed out/anxious/overwhelmed because they have too much to do?

I believe strongly in the brain dump exercise for overwhelm/anxiety and worries. This is when you write everything down that is on your mind. All fears. Worries. Tasks. To-Dos. And then you slowly cross off what you can release that is not URGENT. And often, most of it is not urgent. Here’s a post on that! https://www.abundantmama.com/ease-mama-overwhelm/

8. What’s your ultimate dream? And your dream for women/mothers as a whole?

My ultimate dream is to build the most helpful, loving support group for mothers around the world possible. If I could I would build us a REAL VILLAGE with real houses and we’d all live there together helping each other out. I’ve said — they say it takes a village to raise a child but I think these days it takes a village to raise a mother. My dream for mothers like myself — those who are highly sensitive, introverted and highly reflective — is to finally feel peace from the inside out because there’s no better abundance than a feeling of contentment.

Shawn’s snapshot

Your happy place: my hammock if I can’t get to the beach

Quickest way to find clarity: journaling

Mantra of the moment: I am strong as F@#$ 🙂

Best place to people watch: the Beach Boardwalk

Most inspiring books you’ve read recently: The Go Giver, The Hate You Give and Dial Down the Drama

Best ‘ah-ha’ moment this year: Realizing that just because everyone else is doing a podcast doesn’t mean I have to … in fact, I don’t even LIKE podcasts. I’m not an auditory learner. I tune them out. So, I quit my podcast and told everyone to follow my blog. It was a real coming home moment for me.

Biggest ‘proud ofs’ in life: Building my community, writing a book and self-publishing and, of course, becoming a mother.

Current passion project: ReKindle … I’m preparing to launch another round of this program that my community LOVES that is all about rekindling your marriage AFTER children. And, frankly, my husband and I always need to do better this time of the year after a busy summer. Wish for the world: For everyone to place being KIND over being right.

Quote you live by: “Coffee is a lot more than just a drink; it’s something happening. Not as in hip, but like an event, a place to be, but not like a location, but like somewhere within yourself. It gives you time, but not actual hours or minutes, but a chance to be, like be yourself, and have a second cup” ― Gertrude Stein

You can read more about Shawn and Abundant Mama at www.abundantmama.com and follow her on Facebook and Twitter

50 Ways You Can Practice Self Care

Posted on 2017-08-23 at 10:25 am.

Written by Beth Kempton

A round up of ways to practice self care, as curated by the team at Do What You Love.

“Nourishing yourself in a way that helps you blossom in the direction you want to go is attainable, and you are worth the effort. ” – Deborah Day

Do you often find yourself working long days? Do you put your children’s, friend’s and/or family’s needs before your own? Do you rarely tune in and listen to your body when it’s craving rest? Self care is a real work-in-progress but when practiced, it can make our whole lives better. From easing anxiety to living each moment more mindfully, mastering self care rituals is as necessary to our daily lives as putting food on the table, and shouldn’t be ignored.

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30 reasons to do a digital detox

Posted on 2017-08-08 at 8:55 am.

Written by Beth Kempton

This is a guest post by one of the UK’s leading experts in digital distraction and digital detox, Frances Booth, author of The Distraction Trap: How to Focus in a Digital World, A Writer For All Seasons, and more productivity tips. Find out more about her here.

Here are 30 reasons to do a digital detox; ideas to make you think, to challenge you, and to give you motivation if and when you do decide to switch off. If you’re curious about the benefits a digital detox can bring you at work and for work-life balance, these tips are for you.

If you are sick of pinging demands, an overflowing inbox, and feeling overloaded, a digital detox can be a great strategy to use to achieve balance in the digital world. It might just give you the productivity boost you need.

My related piece on How To Do A Digital Detox gives more advice on practicalities such as how long your digital detox should be and how to prepare for switching off.

Image credit Alejandro Pinto via Flickr

These are some reasons why a digital detox makes sense.

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It’s never too late to follow your dreams

Posted on 2017-07-05 at 8:55 am.

Written by Beth Kempton

“When we start to live our own story, that’s when we really come alive, that’s when we really start living.” ~ Kathy Sparrow

Maybe in the course of bringing up your children or earning a living, you’ve put your own hopes and dreams on the back burner. It’s easy to get sucked into “life-as-usual” as you spend your days busily running from one thing to the next.

If you’ve been distracted from doing what you love, diverted from taking the path that leads you towards your dreams or have no idea what you really want to do, now could be the ideal time to think about how you’d like the next chapter of your life to look.

Follow your dreams and create more magic in your own life, and in the world!

Need help, support and inspiration? Start by making more time for yourself today…

Today we invite you to be present for everyone, including yourself. Making time to do the things you love is one of the kindest gifts you can give yourself.

So join us for 31 days of making time: 31 days to learn how to look up and rediscover the small wonders out there that make you happy, 1 day at a time, 1 minute at a time.

Our Making time daily prompt series is completely FREE and it couldn’t be easier to get started. Click here for information.

What’s going on? Our guide to the best upcoming thought-provoking + life-changing events

Posted on 2017-07-03 at 8:55 am.

Written by Beth Kempton

With in summer in full swing, now is the perfect time to think about what you want from the rest of 2017. Whether it’s learning a new skill, developing yourself personally or professionally, tapping into your creativity, hiring a coach, or taking a break to rest and recharge, making time to nurture yourself and your dreams every once in a while is vital for your health and wellbeing.

Here’s our pick of the best upcoming festivals, events and talks to help you on the path to doing what you love…

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5 upcoming events to help you on your journey to doing what you love

Posted on 2017-06-05 at 8:55 am.

Written by Beth Kempton

When it comes to doing what you love, attending festivals, events, workshops and courses are a great way to broaden your horizons and meet like-minded people who share your passions, understand you, and have similar values.

It’s always inspiring, motivating and encouraging to hear people share their stories and wildest dreams and in time you may even find yourself sharing your own thoughts, motivations and hopes for the future, safe in the knowledge that there is no judgment, and that you really are free to be you – real, authentic, and true.

So this summer be brave, put yourself out there, and try something new. Who knows who’ll you’ll meet and where it will take you.

Here’s our guide to some of the thought-provoking and life-changing events that are happening over the next few months…

Image via Escape the City

How to Build an Impact Career

Where: The Escape Cafe, London

When: TONIGHT! June 5, 2017 from 7-9pm

Cost: £10

Many of us want to have a more positive social or environmental impact through our work – at this event you’ll learn how to do it with from those who have. Life is short. Do work that matters to you and the world.

More information at Escape The City

World Domination Summit launch party: Image courtesy of organiser Chris Guillebeau

World Domination Summit

Where: Portland, Oregon, USA

When: July 11 – 17, 2017

Cost: $647

If you’d love to know how to live a remarkable life in a conventional world, you won’t want to miss this. Since 2011, World Domination Summit has brought together more than 10,000 people from more than 40 countries. As adventurers from all walks of life, their mission is to create a remarkable community that helps each person pursue a big dream. There will be discussions and activities on topics like how to live a good life, travel hack your way around the globe, and write your first book, making it an experience like no other. Jam-packed with eye-opening events and unforgettable keynote speakers, you’ll learn from unconventional thinkers, acquire powerful new skills, and go away with a whole new community of friends and supporters.

More information at World Domination Summit

Soul Circus

WHERE: Elmore, Gloucester

WHEN: August 18 – 20, 2017

COST: Ticket prices vary – see website for details

This Cotswolds-set wellness festival covers every fitness buzzword under the sun. Think hot yoga, gong baths, aerial classes, sunset meditation, light therapy, juices, clean eating… the list goes on. Don’t worry though, it’s not too virtuous – there’s also gin tasting, live music and after parties, so you can still do what comes naturally at festivals (just make sure you do some yoga afterwards to combat the excess).

More information at Soul Circus

Image via Cosmic Forest Festival gallery

The Cosmic Forest festival

WHERE: Cosmic Forest Festival Coromandel, Portugal (1.5 hours from Lisbon)

WHEN: 18-21 of August 2017

COST: Early bird special – 95€ | Cosmic Raver -130€ | Late Bloomer – 150 €

Featuring four days and three nights of amazing music, mind changing mediations The Cosmic Forest Festival is a gathering of wanderers, travellers, and soul seekers joining to celebrate love and awareness through the heights and depths of music. Synchronize your soul to your beating heart as you get lost inside a metaphysical experience through ecstatic dance. This festival offers an alternative path to those who seek to enjoy the fullness of life in the colorful madness of a nature festival, unleashing the mind, body and soul. Join the cosmic wave and dance without judgment, feel without filters and love without boundaries! Come reconnect to your higher being and enjoy the freedom to BE!.

More information at The Cosmic Forest Festival

Flow State: The interactive forest lounge at Aespia. Image via Aespia

Aespia

WHERE: Meet in London and jump on a bus to a secret location

WHEN: August 19 – 20, 2017

COST: Tickets from £40

Leave your phone at home, jump aboard a blacked-out coach and escape reality for 24 hours. You’ll be whisked away to Aespia’s secret woods where you’ll immerse yourself in an alternate, creative world. Aespia is split into five magical worlds, designed and built by a team of emerging artists, architects and musicians; all of whom live in the woods for the month of August, collaborating, dreaming and building a giant three-dimensional canvas for you to explore, adapt and enjoy. At Aespia you’re invited to become an artist – materials, atmosphere and backdrop are all provided – just make your mark. Whether you’re in the mood for dancing to infectious music, frolicking between installations, or connecting with like-minded creatives inside cosy dens, you’ll feel such a sense of belonging you won’t want to leave.

More information at Aespia

And if you can’t make it to any of these events, why not take your journal off somewhere quiet and answer some of these questions yourself?

What you really want from life? What do you want to give back?
How you want to feel each and every day? What could you do differently, or more often, so you feel that way?
Do you get annoyed at people’s (or your own) negative attitude to life? If so, what can you do about it.
What could you do today to make yourself more aware of the small things in life that make you happy?
What small changes can you make to give yourself more time each day to relax?

Let us know how you get on,

The DWYL team

Disclaimer: We are not affiliates of or involved in the running of any of the suggested events. Please contact the organisers directly with any questions or queries.