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Top 10 ways to say no and save time

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This is a guest post by one of the UK’s leading experts in digital distraction and digital detox and author of The Distraction Trap: How to Focus in a Digital World, Frances Booth. Find out more about Frances here.

One time management technique we don’t use enough is simply saying no. We’re quick to say yes, giving away our time, then we wonder why we have no time left for what we want.

If you find your diary is full, or full of things you don’t want to do, then it’s time to start saying no – nicely.

People ask for our time every single day. And if we give our time away to everyone who asks for it, we end up feeling frazzled, tired and grumpy. Often it doesn’t occur to us that we have the option to simply say no.

It’s much rarer for someone to thank us for our time. But when they do, it reminds us that our time is valuable, and we need to learn to value it too.

Learning when and how to say no is a way of valuing and managing our time.

When we say no to one thing, in effect we’re also saying yes to something else. This might be yes to time to recharge, sleep and renew our energy. It might be yes to some thinking space. It might be yes to more time for ourselves, or yes to time for the people and things that matter to us.

Here are 10 key things to think about for when the answer needs to be no.

1. Something has to give

We can’t say yes to every invitation, request, message, question or demand we get – something has to give. So what should we say no to?

Look at what or who you’re saying yes to at the minute. What or who (including yourself) does that mean you are then you saying no to? Is your diary full of things that fill you with great anticipation? If not, how can you make it so? What do you need to start saying no to? Look at how you spend your time, including time online. Are you happy with what you are saying yes to by how you spend your time?

2. Instant answer

Often we make poor decisions when we’re distracted, overloaded and too busy. Perhaps you recognise them … those things you say yes to, and then instantly regret. What happens next? We try and backtrack, spending far too long undoing the commitment or rescheduling, using up extra time before the event has even happened. Or, the appointment sits in our diary like a black cloud, and we spend time wishing we didn’t have to go.

Next time you feel pressure to give an instant answer, stop. Log out of your email or leave the room. Shut your eyes for five minutes, walk round the block, or sleep on it. Think about whether you really want to say yes. Think about whether you’ve really got the time for it. Pausing before responding uses far less time than it takes to backtrack.

Photo: North CharlestonAre you always racing against time? Saying no more could be the solution (Photo: North Charleston)

3. Delayed response

“I’ll check and get back to you” is a great way to buy yourself some thinking time and avoid making an instant commitment you might regret. This gives you time to decide whether to say yes and also to decide when is a good time for you if you are committing to dates. Most people will accept this as an entirely reasonable response. It implies you are checking with your diary or another person. It doesn’t fix you to a timeframe by which you need to reply, and it buys you the thinking time you need.

4. Time out

When you turn off digital distractions such as email, your smartphone and social media, you’re saying no to people being able to contact you as and when they please. Instead, you’re deciding to show up online at a time convenient to you. This is a simple way to say no thanks to unwanted interruptions. Yet we don’t always make the most of our ability to be in control here. In my book, The Distraction Trap: How to Focus in a Digital World, I give advice on how to do this and how to be more productive in a digital world.

5. Would you do it tomorrow?

This is a great test of whether you actually want to say yes or no. Would you do it tomorrow, given the chance? If the answer is yes, then great, say yes. It shows you are enthusiastic about spending your time on this. If the answer is no, beware of saying yes. Just because you put something in your diary for three weeks’ time, it won’t become any more attractive by then.

6. On hold

Sometimes, what we need to say rather than no is not now. If someone approaches you with an idea, venture or suggestion that you are interested in, but you just don’t have the headspace to consider it because it’s a particularly busy time, say so. Be specific. For example: “This is a busy fortnight, please can you contact me again after June 27th”. This means it’s back on their To Do list and you can forget about it. If, instead, you try to tackle it there and then, you risk becoming overloaded, not doing a very good job, or making a bad decision.

7. You don’t need to know what the space is for

If you’re feeling overloaded and overwhelmed, then say no to the next commitment that is asked of you. You don’t need to know what the space you are leaving is for. Maybe you are going to fill the space with what seems like nothing – things like sleeping, stopping or having a rest. But these ‘nothing’ times are vital. They mean we can restore our energy and then enjoy the other things we have put in our diary. Nothing times mean we can rest and think and then be productive and innovative when we turn back to our work. If necessary write ‘nothing’ in your diary to make sure you leave the space.

8. Swerve time-wasters

Have you ever worked with someone who wasted endless amounts of your time even on simple tasks? People like this don’t value your time, or their own. So saying no to working with them at the outset will save you an awful lot of time. How can you spot the signs of this early on and avoid getting pulled in to a project with them?

Classic early signs of a time-waster are arranging an initial call or meeting and then cancelling it at the very last minute. Here, they’ve already wasted your time – you’ve prepared, arranged your diary to fit around the call or meeting, and perhaps even shown up in person. Yet they think nothing of re-arranging. Other early signs are that they say they will send documents by a certain time and then don’t, or that they send long rambling emails. Say no politely to the project, explaining for example, that your work commitments have changed (they have – you have just made yourself some valuable time you can now use!).

9. Always saying yes equals burnout

If you work for yourself – for example, as an entrepreneur or freelancer – there can be a temptation to say yes to every project and client, due to the fear that work will dry up. But never saying no can lead to exhaustion and burnout. It can also mean that while you are busy doing the ‘drudge’ work you never get round to the work that makes your heart sing, the reason you do what you do in the first place. Saying no can be really, really difficult in these situations – particularly if you don’t know yet what will come along instead. So you shouldn’t underestimate the powerful steps you are taking when you do say no. Every now and then, let go of the kind of work you don’t want to be spending your time on by saying no. You leave space then for stepping up, getting, and doing the work that really deserves your time.

10. “I’d love to, but …”

How do you go about saying no politely, protecting your time without offending other people? Here are a few suggestions.

“I simply haven’t got time right now.”

“I simply haven’t got time this week / month” (if you want to consider it next week/month)

“I’ll be back in touch after x, y, or z to sort something out” (for delaying)

“I’d love to but I’ve got other work/family/sporting commitments right now.”

“It’s a no I’m afraid. But thanks for asking me.”

Got a good suggestion? Heard a great no? Leave them in the comments box below…

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Stressed? Try slowing down

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This is a guest post by one of the UK’s leading experts in digital distraction and digital detox and author of The Distraction Trap: How to Focus in a Digital World, Frances Booth. Find out more about Frances here.

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It’s easy to get into the cycle of thinking we need to go faster, faster, faster all the time.

“It’s so slow …”, we complain, if a web page takes an extra half-second to load. “I haven’t got time for this …”, we think, tensing up, if we’re forced to wait in a queue.

We’re busy, we’re stressed, and we’ve got too much to do.

But what happens, if, instead of always trying to go faster, we consciously and deliberately slow everything down?

I’m not talking about huge changes. I’m talking about slowing things down just a fraction.

So you might take a second longer to put on your shoes before you rush out of the door, spend a moment more looking at the scenery as you walk, or consider for a few seconds the task you’re about to launch in to.

One technique that can help you slow down in this way is consciously naming (in your head) each object as you come across it. So “bowl, milk, cereal, spoon” as you have your breakfast, for example.

Of course you don’t have to carry on like this all day long. But it can be a useful technique if you need a reminder or a way to shift down a gear from rush, rush, rush mode.

By slowing things down just a tiny bit, and doing things deliberately, we can shift our awareness. We become focused in the present moment, rather than our thoughts racing ahead or repeating past events on a loop. This can calm us down.

5603681683_845729d4b2_bImage credit: Andrés Nieto Porras

Sometimes we try and go faster, faster, faster just because everyone else is.

Often it’s because we want to cram more in to each day. I’m all for productivity. But there’s such a thing as going too fast, trying to fit in too much. This can leave us overwhelmed and overloaded. We need to know how to keep a balance, and slowing down a fraction is one way to do this.

It’s when we’re most stressed and busiest that we need to step back the most. Yet the challenge arises because it’s precisely at this point that we feel like we have no time at all to stop. We feel like we literally don’t have five minutes to spare, and the smallest task added to our workload can utterly overwhelm us. In this state of mind, it can be hard to catch ourselves long enough to even realise that slowing down would help. We’re on automatic …

Sometimes we operate at top speed for too long just because we’ve become stuck in that mode.

So when we’re stressed, a few seconds here and a few seconds there of slowing down, can shift our awareness and bring us into the present moment.

It can make us wonder; why were we in such a rush?

A little inspiration to help you relax

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Download a high res version to print here.

ZEN FOR TEN

Are you always rushing from one thing to the next, trying to get through your neverending to-do list, trying to outwardly multitask with confidence, whilst inside you’re wondering when the spinning plates are all going to come crashing down? Do you find yourself so busy that there doesn’t seem to be any time for the simple things these days – for laughter, and joy and conversation?

Well, I can assure you that you are not alone. Sometimes life gets so hectic we hardly have time to think, let alone dream and plan the road towards doing what you love.

As founder of Do What You Love and author of ‘Freedom Seeker: Live more. Worry less. Do what you love.’, I know as well as anyone that it can be hard to tune out the noise and listen to what we really want to offer the world.

So that’s why I’ve created ‘Zen for Ten’ – a ten day challenge to help you slow down, tune in and light up.

It will help you be more present, get quiet and focus. It will help you see more beauty. It will let you travel lighter. And it will get you on the road to doing what you love, for life.

Join me to breathe more deeply, live more slowly and appreciate life more during this special ten days. Sign up HERE, then check your inbox for all the details and get ready to begin.

A little inspiration to help you relax DWYL ZENFORTEN DAY1 550X250PX V2

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How mindfulness can bring peace of mind

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Do you find it difficult to focus? Do you worry a lot? Would you love to be able to relax more easily?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions practicing mindfulness could really help you change the way you think, feel and act.

What is mindfulness?

When you are mindful, you are able to pay attention to the present moment, and not get swept up thinking about the past or worrying about the future. It means you get to enjoy every little moment of life as it happens, and the impact of this on your mental and physical health is really positive.

According to Mindfulness expert Andy Puddicombe, giving ourselves 10 minutes of peace every day, that’s 10 minutes of doing absolutely nothing – not texting, talking or even thinking – is all we need to refresh our minds and experience the transformative power of living the present moment.

Interested in learning more? Watch Andy’s TED Talk – All it takes is 10 mindful minutes – for inspiration…

 

5 ways to fill your life with colour

Want to make life more fun, fascinating and adventurous? It’s time to shake up your world!

Getting out of the rut of your everyday routine, shifting your thinking and making small and simple changes could be all you need to put some colour back into your life.

Here are our top tips for changing things up:

  1. Be curious; make it your mission to discover new ideas, places, people, and interests
  2. Be expressive; don’t be afraid to speak your mind and communicate your feelings with others
  3. Take the initiative; don’t sit around waiting for permission to do what you love to do
  4. Be inventive; think outside the box and enjoy coming up with original ways to do things
  5. Be confident; don’t be scared to make mistakes. Act like you know what you are doing, even when you don’t!

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Life According to Mr K: New Beginnings (Fatherhood and Doing What You Love)

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As we enter into a New Year we first reflect on the previous year. There will undoubtedly be aspects of our life that have been exhilarating and taken a breath away. There have also been times that will have tried our patience and prompted us to ask the question ‘What am I doing this for?’

I am very aware that my 2013 was a very special year and one which I will hold dear to my heart. Of all the changes and decisions made in 2013 the greatest moment was on Christmas Day when my wife and I became parents for the first time. Sienna May Kempton was born. The moment she was placed onto my wife’s chest, all covered up, was the moment my life changed forever.

Mummy and Sienna

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Festive favourites (A Christmas poem from Louise)

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This post is written by Louise Gale, a valuable member of the DWYL team who assists with our e-courses and project manages the beautiful Moyo magazine. Louise is a mixed media artist with a passion for colour, nature and energy. She lives in Spain overlooking the ocean with a view of Gibraltar rock, tiny fishing boats and the north African coastline in the distance. Feel free to pop by her website and say hi.

Festive favourites (A Christmas poem from Louise) louiseportraitBWcropped200

Festive greetings everyone! Paul and Beth kindly invited me to guest post on “What Christmas means to me”, so I thought I would write and share a little festive poem with you.

What does Christmas mean to me?
Family, friends and a beautiful tree

Frosty mornings, hear the robin red breast sing
Here are a few of my festive favourite things

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Making Mince pies with little stars on top
Toasting good health with champagne until I might just pop

Twinkle lights and exchanging smiles
Sending heartfelt greetings across the miles

Living in the moment of festive joy
Faces full of excitement on little girls and boys

Christmas crackers and mistletoe
Holly and ivy tied with a big red bow

Reindeers called Rudolph, Prancer and Dancer
Watching Christmas movies in my snowflake pyjamas

Handmade ornaments that tell a story
Neighbourhood decorations in all their glory

Decorating the tree and sipping mulled wine
Being thankful, loving and kind

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To those less fortunate than ourselves
Take time to help out to stack their shelves

The wish I bestow upon one and all
Be healthy, happy and stand up tall

To love one another, give thanks and spread peace
Let go of fear, so any anger can cease

christmas is here

No matter where on earth I roam
Christmas isn’t Christmas without being home

Home is where the heart lives, so precious and true
so, take some time to reflect on….

What does this festive season mean to you?

Nelson Mandela – tribute to a true leader

Nelson Mandela

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” – Nelson Mandela

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A few years ago I had the great honour of meeting Nelson Mandela, one of the most inspirational men of our age. When I worked at UNICEF and was responsible for our relationship with Manchester United FC, I joined the team on their tour of South Africa. We had a private audience with Nelson Mandela. He was already an old man then, but he was such a strong presence.

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Sir Bobby Charlton, Sir Alex Ferguson and Ryan Giggs shared a few words about the impact he had had on them personally, and it was amazing to see some of the most famous footballers in the world humbled by this true leader of men. I felt incredibly lucky to be in that room at that moment. Nelson Mandela will long remain a beacon of hope, a symbol of good, and a demonstration of the triumph of the human spirit. Rest in peace.

On that same trip we visited a number of projects supported by Manchester United in Cape Town, including the Tygerberg Hospital and a community centre. The players were in high spirits, and there was something about that whole trip (and the country itself) which clearly inspired them and helped remind them how they can use their profile as a force for good in the world. Nelson Mandela was not just a man who inspired a nation, but a man who inspired people from all walks of life, all over the world. Here are a few pictures from that trip. – Beth

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Kieran Richardson & Ryan Giggs (image: Getty Images)

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With Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, one of the most gentle, thoughtful and generous football players I ever had the honour of working with (image: Getty Images)

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Briefing the team on the way to the children’s hospital

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Darren Fletcher, Jonny Evans and Ben Foster say goodbye to one of the children who shared their story that day (image: Getty Images)

Big, heavy, slow… and grateful

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I haven’t talked much about being pregnant here on the blog over the past few months, but now I am at week 38 I just want to capture a few thoughts before we welcome our baby girl into the world. Right now I feel huge and heavy, I struggle to put my own shoes on, and I walk more slowly than a snail. But I feel well and happy, and am enjoying this very special experience very much.

When we found out about the pregnancy just a couple of weeks after our Spring wedding Mr K and I were both over the moon. It feels like exactly the right time in our lives for this, and we have been lucky to have an enjoyable journey over the past few months.

Pregnancy has been fascinating. It feels like a whole new world is opening up to us, and I have never spent so much time thinking about my body and what it is capable of. We have a new vocabulary now, and have had some hilarious conversations – sometimes with complete strangers at antenatal classes.

Beth pregnancy

At 37 weeks

As I have watched my bump grow, slowly at first, then at a slightly alarming rate in the past few weeks(!) the approaching new phase of our lives has felt more and more real. Each night I watch in wonder as my belly moves in waves, as baby stretches her limbs and tests out her little body. I love to imagine what her face will look like when she is smiling, sleeping, dreaming. The whole thing is a complete miracle to me.

Although we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving here in the UK as many of our US friends do, this feels like the perfect time to share just how thankful I am for this life, right now, and for the one developing inside me. I am thankful for many things, but particularly for…

  • Being able to get pregnant at 36, and having a smooth and enjoyable pregnancy so far (touch wood!)
  • Having the most amazing, supportive, loving partner in Mr K to share this very special adventure
  • Having built a company which allows us to enjoy this at our own pace, in our own way, and has allowed Mr K to be completely involved at every point, coming to every ante-natal appointment, sharing daily morning walks to stave off the queasiness, and running the business while I am off. I am so very grateful that he is going to be share the daily magic of having a little girl in our life, working from home and being there for all the important milestones, as well as the little details of every day
  • Business partners who are incredibly supportive of the major life events we have experienced this year – time off for our wedding and honeymoon, and now for maternity leave – who are genuinely excited for us, and flexible as we learn to navigate this new stage of life
  • Friends, family, colleagues, this community… for your love and support, and for keeping us motivated and excited about what is to come. THANK YOU!

What are you grateful for?

Life According to Mr. K – Handwriting On The Wall

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Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!

Audrey Hepburn 

Where do we look for inspiration? Do we delve into books, relive great sporting moments, do we wait to be inspired by others, do we look back at historical events or can inspiration be found everywhere and anywhere if we are ready to be inspired?

Personally my inspiration has come from my family, friends, films, sport, travel and books and more recently my wife. This was until I joined Do What You Love.

Here at Do What You Love we are blessed to be enveloped by inspiration on a daily basis. People are changing their lives. No it isn’t always easy but, what worth having is? There is a growing movement of people who are finding the courage to step out from the life they have to create a life they want. They are finding courage from within a community that is reaching far and wide. Throwing away the shackles of insecurity they are empowering one another to give it ago and fulfil their dreams. How can you not be inspired!

I took some of our own advice recently and registered on a creative writing course. I had to start from somewhere to try and realise my dream of writing a children’s book. It has been fantastic. I have met other people with a passion and love for the power of words. By merely choosing the correct words and placing them in the correct order you can create something very poetic, dramatic, haunting or even humorous. This journey is one of blood, sweat and tears and then most probably a few more tears.

I have tried to draw inspiration from the likes of AA Milne, JRR Tolkien, Roald Dahl, Lewis Carroll and C S Lewis to name but a few. They have created worlds which have mesmerised children and adults alike for decades spanning various generations. They have even gone as far as to create their own languages.

My idea is starting to gather a little momentum but it will be a while until I have the courage to share it with you. Whether it will be worth the wait will be debatable but the enjoyment of writing and creating a world to harness dreams has and is a constant pleasure. Even if it only keeps my wife entertained.

I have been reading lots of different books and poems to see what I can learn. I stumbled across a great little poem which I thought I would share with you. I read it a few times and loved it. See what you think…

The Handwriting On The Wall

(author unknown)

A weary mother returned from the store,
Lugging groceries through the kitchen door.
Awaiting her arrival was her 8 year old son,
Anxious to relate what his younger brother had done.

“While I was out playing and Dad was on a call,
T.J. took his crayons and wrote on the wall!
It’s on the new paper you just hung in the den.
I told him you’d be mad at having to do it again.”

She let out a moan and furrowed her brow,
“Where is your little brother right now?”
She emptied her arms and with a purposeful stride,
She marched to his closet where he had gone to hide.

She called his full name as she entered his room.
He trembled with fear–he knew that meant doom!
For the next ten minutes, she ranted and raved
About the expensive wallpaper and how she had saved.

Lamenting all the work it would take to repair,
She condemned his actions and total lack of care.
The more she scolded, the madder she got,
Then stomped from his room, totally distraught!

She headed for the den to confirm her fears.
When she saw the wall, her eyes flooded with tears.
The message she read pierced her soul with a dart.
It said, “I love Mommy”, surrounded by a heart.

Well, the wallpaper remained, just as she found it,

With an empty picture frame hung to surround it.
A reminder to her, and indeed to all,
Take time to read the handwriting on the wall.

Can you think of a moment or time you were convinced you knew the truth until it was put into context and it all changed?